Do summer schedules (or lack thereof) have you stressed?

Memorial Day is past, so it’s officially summer in the U.S. Some may still have kids in school, but the end is probably very near! What does your summer look like?

Are you someone who likes routines and planning or runs the other way from them? Personally, I like to plan things until I get tired of my plans. Then I’m spontaneous until I feel like life is out of control, at which point I go back to planning. I never seem to find that middle place. Instead, I swing from one side to the other…

This time of year, for example, when we’re done homeschooling for the summer, I look forward to being done with all the responsibilities. But that only lasts a few days until I’m bored and need to plan more things to do. Anyone else?

There’s nothing wrong with plans and routines and there’s nothing wrong with spontaneity. We all have to become students of ourselves and find the balance that works for us in each season of the year and season of life.

Where I see a problem for myself is where making plans drifts into the territory of an unhealthy need to be in control of every situation.

I’ve been realizing lately that different seasons of the year can bring to the surface different struggles in my life. See my earlier post on that here. And summer brings out my desire for control. Why? Because I feel like I have so little!

I can try to structure my day to run these errands and work on this writing project or have coffee with that friend. And then the kids need to use the car or have their friends over for a music jam session or a water balloon fight - all great things! They have wonderful friends and I’m so thankful for them. However, my desk is in the living room right where the jam sessions happen and there is NO thinking and writing while that is going on. Or the carefully planned excursion to the coffee shop to write gets derailed by not having my car available. If you have teenagers or young adults, you know that planning ahead doesn’t usually happen.

Maybe you don’t have teen kids at home, but rather a retired spouse. Or you’re caring for elderly parents. Or you have young kids and want to get them out of the house to play dates and sporting events. Whatever your life looks like, summer can be a time when we have less control over our plans.

For me, I need to decide what I’m flexible with and what I’m not. It’s OK for that coffee shop writing time to be a non-negotiable. It is my car, after all. It’s also OK to require 24 hours notice of the kids’ plans if it involves me needing to change mine. There’s also room for flexibility. They’re going to make the house incredibly loud? Fine. I’m going to run my errands now instead of later.

Situations like this can also raise issues of an unhealthy obsession with being in control. Do you find yourself overly stressed and anxious when plans change? Are you unable to be flexible and adjust your plans as the need arises?

As you look at your summer, are there things that you try to control, but probably shouldn’t? Pay attention to your anxiety levels when plans change at the last minute. How can you either mitigate that or better deal with last minute changes? Where can you implement healthy boundaries with others? What elements of your schedule are you not willing to be flexible with? What elements are you OK with moving around if needed? I find that if I decide ahead of time what I’m willing to flex on and what I’m not, it decreases a lot of the stress when plans shift and change.

If you struggle with issues of boundaries and control and would like help sorting through them, take a look at the BUILD method and download the free overview explaining how it works.