3 Steps to Overcoming Generational Sin

What is generational sin?

For many of us, there are things we learned from our family of origin - ways of thinking, beliefs about God, ourselves and others, and ways of reacting to certain situations - that are not in line with the truth in God’s Word. Those things were taught to us, either directly or indirectly, and we are likely to teach them to our own families.

In Christ, we can break the line of generational sin that gets passed down. We become free ourselves and leave our children with a more godly legacy.

Exodus 20:5b-6 “punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generations of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

The word for ‘punish’ is Exodus 20 is better understood to mean “visit” or “deposit” and suggests consequences, rather than guilt. We aren’t responsible for what our families taught us or did, but we do suffer the consequences many times.

If you are the child of an alcoholic, for example, you are more likely to become one yourself. If your parents were stressed about money all the time, you’ve probably picked up the same attitudes. Did your parents fight a lot? Show favoritism between children? We tend to either learn the behavior directly or learn how to respond to it in a way that’s less than healthy. If it’s contrary to how God has designed us to live, then it’s sin. Sin gets in the way of our relationship with God and with others and leaves us trapped in cycles of dysfunction.

How do you deal with generational sin? 

1. Name it and own it

In order to overcome something, we first have to understand it and see it clearly. Putting words to something gives us the ability to do that. 

My parents showed favoritism in their treatment of my siblings and myself .

I learned to believe that I’m inadequate and can’t make my own decisions.

I learned that authority isn’t to be trusted.

I learned to deal with conflict by running away. Or by fighting back aggressively and denigrating the other person.

I learned that money is something to be hoarded and fearful about.

Ownership versus blame

Once we understand better what it is that we’re struggling with, we really have two choices. We can own it and repent of it, or we can blame our behavior on others and keep repeating it.

If we get stuck in the blame/victim mentality, we won’t be free of it. And we’ll likely pass it on to our own children, continuing the cycle. I learned to act this way from my parents. I can’t help it. It’s not my fault. 

Yes, you did learn it from them. You aren’t responsible for their actions, but you ARE responsible for yours. You are not to blame for what THEY did. You are absolutely accountable and responsible for what YOU do.

Does that mean some people have more to overcome than others because of the families they were born into? Yes. That’s always been the case. Some grow up in wealth and luxury and others in abject poverty. Some grow up with wonderful parents and others with abusive or absent parents. No one said it was fair. But getting stuck feeling sorry for ourselves won’t get us free. It just gets us more bondage. 

Take responsibility for your own behavior. If you want to break the power of that sin, you need to own it, not blame others for it. Confess to God what you have done or have wrongly believed, whatever it is. 

Lord, I see You as a distant, unloving God who is always watching for me to do something wrong. That’s not who You are. I’m sorry.

Lord, I misuse alcohol, running to it when I feel stressed or inadequate. That’s not how You would have me cope with those things.

Father, I run away from conflict and refuse to deal with it because I’m afraid of rejection. That’s not how I should handle that. You have a better plan.

2. Forgive

Once you have acknowledged the reality - what you learned and where you learned it from - it’s important to forgive those who taught it to you. Let it go. I was angry with certain family members of mine for many years for not being who I wished they would have been. My understanding and experience of my Heavenly Father has been affected by my experiences with them. I had to come to the point of forgiving them. Staying angry and frustrated only hurt me. It wasn’t going to change anything. I needed to let go of that in order to move forward.

3. Repent and replace

Turn and repent - turn 180 degrees - from those attitudes and actions. Make the choice, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to do life God’s way. When we have learned things that are lies or wrong behavior, we need to replace those lies with the truth. We have to relearn how to live life according to God’s design.

Easier said than done, I know. Romans 12:2 says that we are to be “transformed by the renewing of [our] mind.” Change starts with how we think about things - how we think about God, ourselves and others. If you struggle with feeling like God is distant and uncaring, spend time studying Bible verses that teach otherwise. 

Practical suggestions

Just saying “think about what the Bible says about God’s character” or “change how you think about money or conflict” is still pretty vague. Vague doesn’t bring change. Concrete, actionable steps bring change. Small things done on repeat bring meaningful change. Here are some practical suggestions:

Memorize verses - You can go the old fashioned route of writing out applicable Bible verses on index cards. Keep them with you and memorize them as you have time throughout your day. We’ve gotten so trained to look at our phones while waiting in line at the grocery store, the doctor’s office, or the school pick up line. What if we focused on God’s Word instead?

Illustrate the verses - A fun way to “process” the meaning of a verse is to draw it in pictures. Or write the words in your coolest handwriting and illustrate them. I’m not very artistic, but here is one that I’ve done:

Use your imagination to picture yourself in the verse, if that fits. If it’s a story, imagine yourself in the story as one of the characters. What would you see, smell and hear? How would you feel? What would you take away from it?

Pray through the verse, focusing on a different part of it each time. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don’t lean on your own understanding…” Proverbs 3:5 

“Trust” - Father, help me to trust You. To lean on You, and rely on You, knowing that You love me and care for me.

“In the Lord” - God it’s You I trust, not the government or my own plans and ideas or my bank account.

“With all your heart” - Not just part of me sort of trusting in You, but all of my heart. Help me to trust You that way, with all of me.

“Don’t lean…” - When we lean on something, it gives us support and stability. My own understanding isn’t what I should be finding support and stability in. My understanding can be faulty and unreliable. I want to lean on You because You alone are reliable, faithful and stable.

“On your own understanding” - My understanding of things makes sense to me, but remind me that I don’t know everything. I don’t have the bigger picture. You do. That’s why I need to trust You rather than my own understanding. 

I also spend time journaling through an idea, asking myself questions about why I think the way I do or feel or react the way I do. I find it very helpful to get it out on paper rather than keep it trapped in the confusing recesses of my brain!

Sometimes our generational sin involves things we say to ourselves in our heads - the “tapes” that play in the background of our minds. “You’re not good enough. You can’t handle this. You’ll just mess it up. You don’t really know what you’re talking about.” We hear them and incorporate them into our lives without really evaluating whether they're true or not. Writing them down in a journal can be a very effective way of acknowledging them and what they’re really saying, then evaluating them. Have a conversation with that voice of insecurity and denigration. Counter its message with God’s Word.

Overcoming generational sin is journey. It’s not going to happen overnight. But as you grow and gain victory over these things, you will find a freedom and a joy that you hadn’t thought possible.

I would love to hear about your experiences with this. Leave me a comment or email me.