What we need before we can grow with Christ

I homeschool my kids, and for some reason, math can sometimes end in tears. My older two kids are both going into engineering fields, so they obviously figured it out, but math for younger kids can produce a lot of emotional frustration. My youngest is 12 and we’re deep into Pre-Algebra, learning about exponents and variables. It can feel to him like it’s a foreign language. I have noticed with him in particular, that attitude is everything. If he feels insecure about his ability to understand it, or if he’s tired or hungry, he will make up his mind that he can’t do it. And lo and behold, he becomes incapable of solving the problems.

In the same way, if he’s feeling confident and positive, he can work through the same material with no problem.

Out attitude and our feelings of security or insecurity make all the difference - not just in learning math!

I’ve talked a lot about growing in our faith, getting unstuck, and replacing lies with truth from God’s Word. The BUILD process starts with the practice of being aware of what’s going on in our lives and spending time in reflection. But there’s an earlier step that we might need to consider first.

We first need to be secure in who we are in Christ and in the fact that He loves and values us because of our standing as His children, rather than because of any good works we’ve done. Only then can we grow and mature in our faith.

Have you ever noticed that in the Apostle Paul’s letters in the New Testament, before he starts telling the church what changes they need to make, he first reinforces their standing before God?

In 1 Corinthians, before he tells them about the divisions and dysfunction in their church, he first tells them how they’re sanctified and called to be holy. (1:2) He tells them that they don’t lack any spiritual gift, how thankful he is for them, and how God will keep them strong until the end. (1:4-9)

Ephesians begins with all of our blessing that we have in Christ and all He has done for us. It isn’t until chapter 4 that he addresses the things they’re struggling with.

Before we can be teachable and receive what God has for us, we need to be confident in His love for us and in our standing before Him. If we are insecure in our relationship with Him, we’re going to have a difficult or even impossible time receiving correction and instruction from Him or others.

Think about kids. They need to know that they are loved and accepted first. Then they are in a place to know when they have made a mistake and are open to changing their behavior.

When we are insecure in our relationship with God, we frequently become defensive when confronted by something we’re struggling with. Our first priority is to protect our core identity. If we believe that our worth and value come from what we do, then any criticism about what we do is a threat to our worth and value as a person. Our instinct is to protect our value, and so we reject the idea that we’ve made a mistake.

Do you find yourself getting defensive when confronted by things that you struggle with? Does the idea of facing sin in your life make you cringe and want to curl up in a ball or run away? If so, I can totally relate! The first step may be to look at the foundation of your relationship with God. Who are you? How does He see you? What is that relationship based on?

If we believe that our worth before God is based on our works - the good things we do - then we’re standing on sinking sand. No amount of good works can ever make us worthy of a relationship with Holy God. We can never be perfect. But that’s why He came to earth as Jesus and died on the cross for us. Jesus paid the debt that we never could! When we place our faith in Him, we begin a relationship that isn’t based on works but on God’s grace. God loves us and deems us worthy people based on the work of Jesus, not on our own works. When we sin, it doesn’t shake the foundation of our relationship with Him. It mars our fellowship and it isn’t the way God designed us to live, but it doesn’t shake the foundation of God’s love and acceptance of us. We can be secure in our relationship with Him, even when confronted with our sin, because our standing with God isn’t based on our works.

You might say, “Yes, yes, the gospel - I know that. I accepted Jesus as my Savior years ago.”

Great! Accepting the gospel is a one time decision, but we also need it as a daily reminder. My standing before God is not based on what I do but on what Jesus already did.

So how secure are you in your relationship with God? Do you struggle with feeling like you still need to earn God’s favor? Maybe you’ve accepted Christ’s death on the cross as payment for your sin, but you need to remind yourself that your relationship is based on grace, not works. Or maybe you’ve never made that decision. If you’re not sure, you can take a look at this page. I’d also love to talk with you and answer questions.

“For by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from ourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9