Why it’s Hard to be Vulnerable (and what helps)

Community. Vulnerability. We need each other.

Especially within the Body of Christ, it’s so important for us to be willing to be vulnerable with each other. It we can’t be ourselves with our brothers and sisters in Christ, then who can we be ourselves with?

Do you ever find yourself assuming that everyone else has it all together? That no one else struggles with feeling inadequate and out of place? That only you feel like you don't belong and you're different and weird?

Guess what - most other people feel the exact same way.

All those things you're thinking about you, they're thinking about them. They're not thinking about how weird and awkward you are - they're too busy thinking those things about themselves!

We all have tapes playing in our heads.

What are you thinking about when you go into a social situation? Imagine yourself walking into a room full of people - maybe a women’s social at church. Write down all the things that you’re thinking. Be brutally honest. Don’t edit or critique as you write - just write them down.

When you’re done, take a step back and read what you wrote. Are those things true? Probably not. You can’t read their minds - don’t assume that you know what they’re thinking. That’s not fair to them or you.

Where did those thoughts come from? Did you hear them growing up? They certainly aren’t coming from God… Perhaps we should stop listening to them and instead create new ones.

Most people aren’t thinking about you - they’re thinking about themselves.

Think about all those things that you’re telling yourself. Now imagine the most pretty, confident, “put together” person you can think of - maybe even the event MC, the main speaker or the worship leader. Chances are, she’s thinking the same things you are - about herself! Some people cover their feelings of insecurity with a confident, funny, bold exterior. That doesn't mean they don't struggle with feeling out of place and insecure. Other times they’ve made up their minds that they’re going to serve whether they feel uncomfortable or not.

How do we create new tapes to play in our heads?

Love people.

Instead of being concerned with what you think others are thinking about you, just focus on loving them.

Look for someone who seems to need a friend.

Listen.

Get to know them.

Ask questions.

Be there.

Be yourself - whatever that looks like. God made you uniquely for a reason. Rest in the fact that God loves you unconditionally.

Be vulnerable.

Don't be afraid to be honest. It will open doors for others to feel safe being vulnerable as well.

You just might find some kindred spirits who feel just like you do!

What do you do to be more confident being vulnerable and authentic around others?