Forgiveness - Three Things to Keep in Mind

Thanksgiving and Christmas usually include time with extended family. Sometimes that’s a great thing and other times it makes for having to confront some very messy relationships. Family can be our greatest blessing or our greatest area of pain and hurt.

When family relationships (or any other relationship, for that matter) have resulted in pain and hurt, forgiveness can be a difficult thing. However, God commands us to forgive.

Matthew 18:21-22 says, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’

Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”

Forgiveness frees us. Unforgiveness and anger can hold us hostage, only adding to what the other person has done to us. When we choose to trust God and forgive, we are free from that bondage.

Here’s three things to think about:

1. Forgiveness does NOT mean that we allow further hurt or abuse.

Forgiving someone is choosing to release them from our resentment and desire for vengeance. However, it’s still very wise to establish healthy boundaries with that person. If they are verbally abusive or highly critical, you are wise to avoid situations where you’ll be confronted with that. You can’t change their behavior, but it’s up to you what you choose to expose yourself to. In the case of greater abuse, forgiving them doesn’t mean you condone their actions or don’t pursue criminal charges when appropriate. Don’t place yourself in the situation of being hurt or abused further.

2. Forgiveness lets the offending person “off the hook” with you but not with God.

God is the perfect Judge. He knows when that person needs to suffer consequences for their actions. But that’s His decision, not ours. We need to trust God that He will dispense justice as He sees fit. There are times when His justice seems far more harsh than anything we would have chosen! Yet He knows exactly what He’s doing. Our forgiving the person gets us out of the way for Him to deal with that person as He sees fit.

3. Forgiveness is sometimes a process rather than a one time decision.

Depending on the nature and frequency of the offense, forgiveness may take time. Sometimes we become aware over time of how someone’s actions or lack thereof have affected us. As we grow in our awareness, we may need to forgive them in layers, like peeling an onion. Whenever those feelings of resentment resurface, choose yet again to forgive rather than dwell on it.

Journaling prompts

- Who do you need to forgive? Maybe before you see them on Thanksgiving or Christmas?

- What makes forgiveness difficult with that person?

- What healthy boundaries do you need to establish to keep yourself from being hurt further?