What do your emotions tell you?

Emotions are tricky things. Can we control them or do they control us? Are they reliable? They seem so easily swayed by what we eat, how much sleep we get, our hormones, or our brain chemistry. Should we ignore them? (Good luck!) Are they evil? Should we listen to them when we make decisions?

I don’t claim to have answers to all those questions, but I do know that God gave us emotions, so they must not be evil. Jesus expressed emotions. The Bible talks about emotions such as fear, anxiety, and joy as things that we have control over. We told to “not be anxious about anything…” (Philippians 4:6), to “not be afraid” (Joshua 1:9), to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Philippians 4:8), and to not give full vent to our anger (Proverbs 29:11).

In the first step in the BUILD method of renewing our minds, we spend time in reflection - looking at our lives to see what’s working and what isn’t. One ancient method of reflection is called the “Examen”. The idea is that you ask yourself five questions at the end of the day as a way of looking for God’s work in your life. You can learn more about the examen here.

The third question of the examen is, “What did you feel today?” The reason for that question, I believe, is that our emotions are pointers. Arrows. They aren’t necessarily dictators of truth, but they can help us understand what’s going on in our lives, for better and for worse. Were you peaceful and happy today? Why was that? What made you happy? Were you anxious? Fearful? Angry? Depressed? Over what? What are those emotions telling you about what is working and what isn’t working in your life?

Keep in mind that your emotions may not be telling you what you think they’re telling you. It may take some looking below the surface to figure it out. If you are anxious over planning your child’s birthday party, for example, it may be simply because you ate too much chocolate or didn’t get enough sleep and there are a lot of details to juggle. Or that anxiety could be telling you that you feel the need to impress the other parents in order to win their approval. Or that money is tight and yet you don’t want to disappoint your child. Or that your mom never approved of ______ at parties but that’s what your child wants and you know it’s going to cause a fight.

When I’m trying to decipher my more troublesome emotions, here are some questions I ask myself:

1. Is it rational? Is it in proportion to the situation? Sometimes I find myself anxious or fearful over something but it’s either irrational or blown way out of proportion. One of my “favorites” is leaving the garage door open when I leave the house. I don’t think I’ve ever actually forgotten to close the garage door, and yet it’s a frequent “go to” thing to be anxious about. Then there’s brain-eating amoebas whenever my kids swim in a lake… If it’s not rational or proportional to the problem, it’s time to take a step back and realize that. Many times, acknowledging that my emotions are irrational helps me to take a deep breath and not be controlled by them.

2. Is there a physiological explanation? Am I over-tired? Have I been eating junk? Could my hormones be out of whack? If that’s the case, a nap or some better eating habits might be the best solution.

3. What have I been thinking about that could be contributing to these emotions? Our emotions are frequently fed by our thoughts. So, looking at what we’re thinking about can give us a clue as to whether there’s something beneath the surface feeding those emotions. If that birthday party is stressing you out, what aspect of it are thinking about the most? What specifically is concerning you? Use journaling and follow the trail of emotions to thoughts to beliefs and see if there’s a lie that you’re believing that is contributing to your anxiety.

The BUILD method will walk you through the process. To download the overview of the entire method, click here.

Whatever their source, our emotions are a significant part of our lives and can impact us and our relationships in profound ways. Getting handle on what causes things like fear and anxiety in our lives can help us move toward the peace and joy that Christ offers us.