The Enneagram and Fig Leaves
Most people love personality tests. We enjoy taking the quizzes and trying to gain deeper understanding about who we are and how we tick. Some of them can be very flattering - finding all the things we’re good at, realizing that it’s OK to not want to be around people all the time, or understanding that we like to think a lot before we share our opinions.
But have you thought about how a personality test can enhance your walk with God? We’re all broken. Ever since Adam and Eve, we’ve been sinful and broken humans, but we’re not all broken in the same way. The more we understand our unique style of broken and what we tend to do to fix it, the more effective we can be in inviting God into that brokenness and experiencing His healing.
When Adam and Eve sinned, they became ashamed of their nakedness, made clothes for themselves and hid from God. We all follow the same basic response to our sin. We try and cover it ourselves with clothes of our own design and we hide from God.
One interesting thing about the fall in Genesis 3 is that Adam and Eve’s first clothes were made of fig leaves. (Genesis 3:7) After God rebuked them and told them the consequences of their sin, He made clothes out of skins for them. (Genesis 3:21) What was wrong with the fig leaves? God determined that they weren’t adequate clothing. Why not? I’m assuming “skins” refer to animal skins, which means the animal had to die. I believe God was setting up from the very beginning that sin requires a sacrifice in order to cover it.
Ultimately, Jesus is the only adequate covering. The fig leaves are like our efforts to clothe ourselves, but God says, “No, let Me clothe you.” If we have placed our faith in Jesus, our sin is paid for. We are clothed in Christ. In our experience, though, we still try to cover ourselves in different ways. We try to find meaning and purpose or fill our deepest longings with fig leaves.
There’s a unique personality test that can help us uncover where we have just fig leaves as opposed to Christ’s covering. It’s called the Enneagram. Although it’s very popular right now, it’s actually not new, but has been around in concept since ancient times. I enjoy taking personality tests and understanding myself better, so I took a free test online and ended up with a number and description that I didn’t think fit me very well. The types of questions it asked bothered me, also - questions about fear and negative motivations… I found it difficult to be honest because I kept thinking, “But I’m not supposed to be motivated by those things and I’m trying to NOT be motivated that way…” I took a couple different versions and kept coming up with different numbers every time I took it, which was very frustrating!
Then, I applied for a job where one question on the application asked for my Enneagram number. It included a test to take, so I took it again and came up with yet a different number. I didn’t feel like that answer fit me, either, so I responded “I don’t know” on the application. Later, I was frustrated with myself for not answering that question because I was afraid that it would look bad - like I didn’t want to take the time to take the test, which wasn’t true. The application also included a Strength Finders test, which I took and the results fit me perfectly. So I decided that the Enneagram just wasn’t for me.
Well, I couldn’t let it go. It kept coming up in conversations and as I waited to see if I’d get an interview from my application, I worried that my lack of a score would cost me my chance at the job. One morning, I decided to take the test again and try to be really honest. After all, we’re all motivated by different fears and things and maybe that’s what it was getting at. I did my best with brutal honesty and came up scoring a number 3 (which was different from the other results I had gotten at other times). Interesting.
Later that morning I was sitting in the orthodontist’s parking lot reading a book called, “The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery” by David Benner and low and behold, he brought up the Enneagram! I couldn’t believe it! The stupid test was popping up everywhere.
As I read Benner’s explanation of it, it finally made sense. The Enneagram is not your typical personality test.
“Unlike classifications of personality that are based on traits, the organizing principle of the Enneagram is deeper and less attractive. It zeros in on the fatal flaw, or basic sin, of each of nine personality types. No one should work with the Enneagram if what they seek is flattery.” (p. 63)
Ah. Now I get it. Unlike Strength Finders or Meyers Briggs, the Enneagram is basically an exposure of your deepest sin. No wonder I didn’t like the results! I find it sort of darkly funny that being a “3” (which I believe is my accurate number), I like to present myself in the best possible light and am sometimes willing to spin things so that’s the case. I kept getting different results because I was trying to spin the answers so I wouldn’t look so bad! Ouch.
Getting back to Adam and Eve, the Enneagram can help us figure out where we have tendencies to use fig leaves to make ourselves more acceptable to God, ourselves and others. Here’s a list of the Enneagram numbers and their core needs/wants:
Ones want to be perfect.
Twos want to be loved and needed.
Threes want to be successful.
Fours want to be special.
Fives want knowledge and fulfillment.
Sixes want security.
Sevens want to avoid pain.
Eights want power, to rely on themselves and to be against something.
Nines want emotional peace.
(Taken from Benner book mentioned above, p. 64-65)
None of those things are really bad, and all of us fall into multiple categories in one way or another. However, most of us will lean in one direction more than the others and it will impact our motives and actions. Those motivations become our fig leaves. A One, for example, may feel that if she can just be perfect, then she’ll be OK, rather than resting in God’s perfection. A Two strives for love and acceptance from others, rather than being content in God’s unconditional love and acceptance.
Many times our personal bent in these areas comes from our family of origin, which is a whole other discussion that I’m still exploring myself and will cover in a future blog post.
This is just scratching the surface, but I encourage you to try an Enneagram test and do some soul searching about what motivates you. My Spiritual Growth Journaling Guide may also help you as you try to understand yourself better.
Have you used the Enneagram? What have you discovered and how has it helped your walk with God?
What is the Meaning of Life?
Lessons from the wisdom (and not so wise decisions) of Solomon
When we think of Solomon, we think about the book of Proverbs, much of which he wrote. He also wrote Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon. He is known for his wisdom.
When he became king at a young age and had the huge job of succeeding his father David as king, he was understandably overwhelmed and asked God for wisdom. (1 Kings 3:7-9) God was pleased with his request and blessed him with wisdom as well as many other things.
His life fascinates me for many reasons, but here are some lessons we can learn from him:
1. Having wisdom doesn’t mean we use it to make wise decisions.
So Solomon was wise, right? And part of wisdom, if not a very large part of it, is following God’s commands. How can we say we are wise if we don’t do what God says, since He’s the author of wisdom?
Here are some commands that God gave for kings:
Deuteronomy 17:16-17 says, “The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself… He must not take many wives or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.”
Don’t get lots of horses, wives or gold. Got it.
In Deuteronomy 7:1-4 it says that the Israelites shouldn’t marry women from other nations because they will lead the Israelites astray. Sounds like good advice.
Here’s what Solomon did:
1 Kings 4:26: “Solomon had 40,000 horse stalls for chariot horses and 12,000 horses.”
1 Kings 11:1-9 says that Solomon married many foreign women and had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Just as God predicted, they led him away from God to worship false idols.
The descriptions of his wealth have been estimated at $2.2 trillion dollars in today’s money.
Oops.
Apparently you can have all the wisdom that God can give, but that doesn’t mean that you follow that wisdom! You have to actually do it in order for it to do you any good.
2. More stuff does not equal more happiness.
Solomon had everything and tried everything. Ecclesiastes chapter 2 goes through what he tried in order to make himself happy: big building projects, wealth and sex. “I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.” (Ecclesiastes 2:10)
Can you imagine? What would that look like today? For me, it would be a big house complete with live in house cleaner and gourmet chef, anything on my Amazon list, furniture, vehicles, luxury vacations, a personal helicopter and jet, and the list goes on. Solomon had everything he wanted! Let that sink in.
Then what was his conclusion? “Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 2:11)
Solomon lived the experiment that we’re all subconsciously trying to conduct. We think that more stuff will make us happy. More money, more success, more things, we always want more. Solomon got all of it and more than most of us could ever dream of, and yet he said it was pointless!
3. Choose your spouse very carefully because he or she can lead you astray.
God specifically told Solomon not to marry women from other nations because those other nations worshipped false gods and idols. But, Solomon did it anyway and it went just the way God said it would. Pretty soon he was setting up temples to false gods all over the place and worshipping them himself. (1 Kings 11:1-10)
How easy it is to get caught up “in love” with someone you know isn’t going to draw you closer to God. We can think that we’re strong enough in our faith to turn the other person toward Christ, but that frequently doesn’t happen. So be very careful who you marry!
4. The meaning of life is really quite simple.
“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14)
After all that money, sex, horses and the like, Solomon came to the conclusion that it’s all really just about fearing God and keeping His commands. May we realize the same thing!
Taming the Anxiety Beast
I have struggled with anxiety for several years now. I probably struggled with it before that but simply didn’t label it as such. Sometimes it just seems to be the normal way of things. I’ll get anxious about serious things and stupid things. It manifests itself as daydreams of horrible things happening to myself or my loved ones, or a sudden panic that I’ve forgotten something or made some terrible mistake that will have awful ramifications. Other times it’s just the physical feeling of tightness in my belly and shoulders and a general feeling of unease and stress - over nothing in particular.
As I’ve fought this beast, I’ve learned some things that have really helped. It still comes and goes but generally has gotten better. I’m not a doctor (so I have to tell you, this is not medical advice), nor do I claim to have all the answers, but I’m happy to share some of the things that I’ve learned and that work for me, in the hopes that they might work for you, too. Anxiety is a HUGE topic that would take several books to address. I certainly won’t cover all there is to cover here!
Managing anxiety takes work
There is no easy solution or 3 simple steps to a anxiety free life. It will take work. I believe anxiety is frequently the result of years of inadvertently training your brain the wrong way. Sometimes our brains have been trained wrongly through our own decisions or decisions that were outside of our control. Regardless of the origin, it took time to create those wrong patterns and it will take time and effort to retrain your brain.
Anxiety is a spiritual, emotional, mental and physical issue
Our western culture tends to separate those areas of our lives into neat, distinct boxes. It doesn’t work that way. What we eat affects how we feel and think and how we feel affects our actions. What we believe about God affects how we feel and what we do and how we think and it’s all mixed together into one sloppy mess. You can’t address one aspect of life without dealing with the others. We are whole people, not segmented into neat little boxes. So when we address anxiety, we need to do so from all those angles.
Anxiety isn’t necessarily bad
It can be an alarm bell telling us that there’s something wrong in our lives. Similar to our pain receptors that get our attention that there’s an injury or illness, being anxious might be a sign that there’s a problem that needs to be solved. Don’t rush to get rid of the symptom until you understand more of what it’s telling you. It may be far more important that you deal with the underlying issue.
So what are some ways to tame the anxiety beast? I think this is the best place to start:
Become a student of yourself
When do you feel anxious? What do you feel anxious about? Is it about anything in particular? What have you been eating? What have you been watching on TV? Have you just spent hours and hours on social media and haven’t moved from the couch? Are you so busy that you can’t keep track of everything going on? What are you thinking about? Do conversations with certain people end up making you feel anxious? When was the last time you got by yourself with God, took a deep breath and surrendered yourself to Him?
Journal
One of the best tools I have found for understanding myself better is to journal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or formal - just a way to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. It’s an opportunity for the more logic, clear thinking side of me to talk to the irrational, emotional, anxious side and get down to the bottom of things. Ask yourself questions and then answer them. Even better - answer them with God’s Word. Make a list of what you’re anxious about. Many times I can feel really anxious about something but once I put it on paper and talk it through with myself, I walk away thinking, “Well, that was silly! Why was I upset about that?” We get so trapped in our heads, but journaling is a great way to get those thoughts out and process them. For more thoughts on this, download my free “Spiritual Growth Journaling” guide.
You can also use a journal to track when you feel most anxious. Is it a certain time of day? A certain day of the week? Before or after certain events or conversations with certain people? After eating something in particular? (Think caffeine, sugar, chocolate…) Ladies, is it worse during a particular time of the month?
If you’re artsy, you can try a creative type of tracking system. Go to pinterest and search for habit trackers or symptom trackers and you’ll find more ideas than you could ever use. Otherwise, just use a spiral notebook and start keeping track of when you feel most anxious and what the circumstances are surrounding it. You could use a simple 1-5 scale of how anxious you are by day or hour. The simple act of paying attention to yourself will get you a long way in figuring out what’s going on.
Always remember to ask God to give you insight because He understands you completely.
What makes you most anxious? What are your biggest questions about anxiety?
Walking While Waiting
I hate waiting. I mean really, who doesn’t? Waiting for the water to boil, for the Amazon package to come, waiting for the test results, waiting to see what the virus will do and how churches and schools will manage… It’s never fun. We want to know - now!
My teen son came to me the other day and said, “But I just want to know what’s going to happen…” Well, don’t we all? We actually never know in advance what’s going to happen, we only *think* we do. Now in the season of Covid, we realize experientially that we don’t know so many things about the future. It has simply helped us realize what has always been true. If we want to know the future, we have to wait until we get there.
I like planning. I find it fun and exciting. I think it also gives me a sense of control over the future. I don’t have control of so many things, of course, but it helps me think that I do. I also like to be prepared and have an idea what I plan to do.
Then came Covid.
When everything first shut down in March, I found it very stressful. Life looked different on a daily basis. New things were canceled and closed every day. Policies and guidelines were changing every hour, it seemed. After I while I got into a new groove and the down time was actually kind of nice.
Now things are opening back up and some of those same feelings of instability are coming back. What will the fall look like? We homeschool our kids, so we aren’t directly impacted by what the public schools decide to do, but our oldest son was hoping to take AP physics at the local high school - no idea if that will work. Also, I lead our local homeschool co op which meets in a church. Will the church let us meet? What Covid policies will we need to have in place? What happens if someone gets sick? The planner in me wants to get it all figured out, but there simply are no answers right now. We need to wait and let the church figure things out. Wait and see what the schools will do. Wait and see what the infection numbers do.
One thing I’ve found to be helpful during times of waiting is to find something else productive to do. Yes, there are things I can’t do because those answers aren’t available yet. But what CAN I do while I wait? Every day is an opportunity to love God and love others. I don’t need to wait to do that. I can either sit around stressing over what I can’t figure out right now, or I can immerse myself in serving God and those around me on a day to day basis. I’m trying to be more comfortable with “I don’t know - we’ll see what happens. Now what’s on the docket for today?”
Are you waiting? Rather than become stressed and frustrated, what can you immerse yourself in that would both take your mind off the “not knowing” part and be a useful, productive use of your time? I don’t think waiting has to mean standing still. It could just mean walking one step at a time without being able to see what the entire path looks like. God will illuminate more of it once you get there.
What to do when you’re overwhelmed
Is anyone else overwhelmed? The world feels like it’s falling apart. Covid, race riots and unrest, talk of defunding the police, an autonomous zone in Seattle, random, senseless violence all over the place… What’s next?
There’s a whole different feel to life right now than a few short months ago. How do we cope with that? How do we address all the problems, figure out what to do?
I found encouragement recently in the book of Nehemiah. The Jewish people had been conquered by the Babylonians many years prior. They had burned the city of Jerusalem and broken down the walls that surrounded it. Most of the people had been either killed or taken captive to Babylon.
Years later, the Persian empire conquered the Babylonians. Nehemiah was a Jewish man who found himself in Susa, a resort town in Persia, working as cup bearer to the king of Persia. The Persians had allowed the Jews to return to Jerusalem, but there weren’t very many of them.
When one of Nehemiah’s brothers came from Jerusalem to Susa to visit, Nehemiah asked him how everything was going. He told him, “Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down and its gates have been burned with fire.” (Nehemiah 1:3)
It was a mess. The wall around a city was its defense and protection against enemies. It was a really big deal to have the wall broken down.
This shows just a small section of the modern wall around Jerusalem, but as you can see, it’s a BIG WALL! There are different gates on each side of the wall to allow for coming and going.
The Jews were faced with an enormous mess. Sounds kind of like our country right now.
Fast forward in the story: Nehemiah’s heart was broken to hear about his beloved people and city. He prayed to God and asked the King of Persia if he could leave Persia and help rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. The king allowed him go and take some others with him to rebuild the wall.
The thing that struck me as I read how he went about rebuilding the wall and the gates, even in the midst of persecution and trials, was that he didn’t do it all himself. It wasn’t even just him and the friends he brought with him. It was a huge, overwhelming task, so they divided up the labor.
A few priests teamed up and worked on rebuilding one of the gates. (Nehemiah 3:1) Next to that gate, another group from Jericho rebuilt a section of wall. A group of brothers rebuilt a different gate. (Nehemiah 3:3) If you look through chapter 3, there are all different groups of people joining together to rebuild their piece of wall or their gate. Some were groups of priests, some were family members, others were people from a specific city, goldsmiths, perfume makers, rulers - people from all walks of life who each took a section to work on.
When I look at our world and the mess that it’s become, it’s easy to look at the big picture and become completely overwhelmed and hopeless. How in the world can our country ever be united again? How can we heal our cities and find solutions that make sense and bring peace?
First of all, Jesus is the answer to those questions. But how do we bring Jesus to all these messes? One part of the wall at a time. I can’t fix a city hundreds of miles from where I live, but I can share my faith in the one closest to me. I can be part of the solution in whatever way God has gifted me in the vicinity of where He’s put me.
In Nehemiah’s time, God used all of those different people from different vocations and different positions in society. The work wasn’t beneath them - priests and rulers worked as carpenters and stone smiths! They were apparently willing to put aside their preferred occupations and prioritize getting their city taken care of.
Another interesting thing to note: many of them made repairs in the area surrounding their own homes. Makes sense - it’s hard to be effective elsewhere and be a service to anyone else if our own homes are crumbling.
Nehemiah understood that when we’re faced with a huge, overwhelming task, we need to break it down into smaller, manageable chunks that people feel ownership over. Fix this wall in front of your house. Just do that first and don’t get sidetracked with the rest of the wall. God will raise up other people to work on the other sections of the wall.
What is your part of the “wall”? How is your own home? Do you need to spend time with your kids to help them feel safe and understand the country’s situation better? Do you need to study God’s Word with them and remind them of His love and ability to care for them and protect them?
How about your neighbors? Is there a tangible way you can help them or support them? What about your community? You could make goodies for your local police officers and first responders. They have it so hard right now and need our encouragement and prayer. Can you help out in a ministry in a city near you? How can you plug into what your church is doing in reaching out to others?
Ask God to give you a job to help rebuild your part of the wall. I think you’ll find that by doing something, you’ll feel less overwhelmed. You also might inspire someone next to you to get to work, also. Little by little, we can make a big difference.
What do you think your part of “the wall” is today? How will you help become part of the solution of bringing Jesus to others?
A Prayer for our Country
Lord Jesus, we need you to heal our land.
We are so divided, angry, fearful and anxious. We need you. You are the only One who can cleanse us of our sin, both individual and corporate.
We look forward to the day when you return to finally set all things right and rule with true justice and holiness.
As your children, called by your name, give us wisdom in reaching out with your hope to those who are lost and feel hopeless. Your word says that you have placed the treasure of your gospel in jars of clay (2 Corinthians 4:7). We are cracked jars, Lord, yet you choose to use us.
Show us how to live by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7) and to show your love to those around us. “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God!” (2 Corinthians 5:20)
That’s what we all really need - to be reconciled to God, because in Christ “there is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28) That’s the only ultimate solution to racism, injustice, violence and hatred. It’s all sin and Jesus is the only answer to sin.
Heal us, Lord, give us wisdom to navigate these difficult days and show us how to love our neighbors. Give us opportunities to share Jesus with those around us.
“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin, and I will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14)
What is church for, anyway?
I’m very much looking forward to getting back to church in person, but the time spent watching church at home online hasn’t been all that bad, either. One of the positive aspects has been our family discussions after the service. Back in the days when we drove to church, we would talk about the sermon a little on the way home, but there was always the gap of hanging out with people and chatting in the lobby before heading home. There would be some loss of momentum by the time we got to talking in the car.
As we were discussing the sermon this past week, I was reminded that we really shouldn’t be expecting to get everything we need spiritually from a Sunday morning church service. Our pastor is great and we’ve learned a lot from him and the other teaching staff at our church, but they can only cover so much in 40 minutes once a week. Many topics, like the one this past week on the End Times, are way bigger and more complicated than one church service can tackle. Even if he did an entire series on the topic, it would still be difficult to handle in a large group setting. It’s really not fair or realistic to expect a church service to fill all our spiritual needs.
What is church for, then? We definitely go to be fed and challenged and taught. It’s a community where we can serve others and encourage each other. Church is a place to invite curious friends to come and hear about Jesus. It’s a place to worship communally and celebrate as a group. Sermons are a great way to grow spiritually, but really, they should just be the starting point. If we never pursue our faith outside of a Sunday morning church service, our growth will be stunted and our faith weak. It would be like marrying someone and then only seeing them once a week to grab ice cream together.
Then how do we continue to grow in our faith? Read and study the Bible on our own and in small group Bible studies. Listen to other preachers on the radio or through podcasts. Read Christian books. Get involved in your church beyond attending Sunday morning services. Volunteer to work with kids, serve in the community or greet newcomers. Step outside your comfort zone. We need input and output in order to be spiritually healthy. We need the input of learning from God’s words both on our own and with others and the output of serving others and sharing what we’ve learned.
That first service back, whatever it actually looks like, will be pretty darn cool! Even when that happens, our family plans to continue our after service times together.
What positives have you taken away from doing church online?
What ways do you engage your faith and grow outside of a weekend church service?
Journaling to Renew Your Mind
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
When I think about being “conformed to the pattern of this world”, it makes me think of cookie cutters. Stars, hearts, gingerbread men, something of that sort. You roll out the dough and then use the cookie cutter to make whole batches of cookies that look identical.
While cookie cutters are wonderful at Christmas time, the concept has little use for us in our spiritual lives. The Romans verse says that the world has a pattern, a cookie cutter, so to speak, that it wants you to fit. God tells us that we are not to allow ourselves to be made from that pattern, but rather be transformed by renewing our minds.
Default modes
I think in many ways that the cookie cutter pattern is our default mode. We live in the world, and depending on our families of origin and our method of education, we may have been raised with the world’s ideas and educated with its morals and philosophies. Our own sinful nature also naturally falls in line with that world pattern.
We have all these things working from the inside and the outside to conform us into the world’s pattern of existing. The way we react to situations and respond to those around us usually comes out of those defaults that we learned growing up.
Transformed
Instead, God calls us to counter those defaults and live differently. He says we need to be transformed - changed into something completely different. We’re not just talking a different cookie cutter, but an entirely different type of cookie altogether! Maybe even not a cookie any more! How does that transformation happen? By renewing our mind.
What needs renewing?
In order to renew our mind, I think we first need to know what’s in it. We need to identify the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, default reactions, and story lines that play in our minds so that we can then replace them with what is in line with God’s Word.
That’s where journaling can come into play.
Many times we don’t even understand why we respond a certain way or why something makes us uneasy or uncomfortable, or why we fear something. We have to dig deeper into what informs those thoughts and feelings in order to pull them out by the roots.
If you’re weeding the garden and you simply cut the tops off the weeds, they will grow back. You have to dig out the roots and pull the entire plant out in order for it to not return.
Many times our emotions, reactions and the story lines in our minds are simply the leaves of a deeper plant. Journaling can help us find the roots and take care of the whole thing. In a way, it’s free counseling! Not to downplay going to a professional Christian counselor - that can be extremely beneficial, but not everyone is in a position to invest the money required for that. Also, journaling could be a way to do some homework ahead of time before seeing a counselor. How much more effective could your time be if you’ve already done some of the work of figuring out where you have issues? And we all have issues…
What does this look like?
God is our perfect counselor.
He knows our hearts and all the screwed up stuff inside us. He’s also got just the right plan of how and when to address each of our different “things”. Ask Him to reveal to you what He wants to work on next. I know, it’s a bit of a scary prayer. We don’t like the process of dealing with our junk, but we’re so much the better for it afterward! Besides, sometimes He causes us to confront our junk even if we don’t ask Him, so we might as well cooperate!
Personally, I find it so frustrating when I keep responding to certain situations in a way that isn’t right or healthy. It’s quite freeing to finally figure out WHY I’m doing that and then move toward “reprogramming” myself to react differently by changing the inner dialog or the core belief or lie and replacing it with truth.
When you find yourself responding to something in a way you know isn’t godly or healthy, take a step back and journal about it. Ask yourself questions. Why did I respond that way? What was I feeling? What did the other person (if there was another person involved) do or say that seemed to trigger that reaction? What underlying lie am I believing about myself, God or others that might make me respond that way? Where did I learn to respond that way?
Once you have some ideas as to why you respond the way you do, then you can take the lies that those reactions are based and replace them with the truth in God’s Word. Many times just realizing where certain reactions come from is enough to alter our reaction in the future.
Do you journal? How have you seen it to be a helpful tool in understanding yourself?
We all need a LOT of grace…
This COVID pandemic has brought out all different emotions and reactions in everyone. Some are fearful of the health implications for themselves or their loved ones. Some are anxious about lost wages from their businesses being closed down. Some are scrambling to adapt to very different ways of doing business in an effort to stay afloat and serve the public. Others feel angry over the restrictions placed upon them by governing officials. Others worry about their children’s education with the schools closed.
With all these different emotions and reactions, we all have different ways of dealing with it. Some retreat into anxiety and depression. Others speak out and protest. Others try to find the deeper story and investigate whether there’s some bigger, scarier motive behind all this.
The lines that have typically been drawn - political, religious, familial, etc - seem to be overtaken by different lines. People who once agreed with each other on most important things now find themselves on different sides of the pandemic debates.
Good friends and family members differ on their beliefs on the cause of the virus and our appropriate response to it. The result is schisms that shouldn’t be there. Divides that don’t need to divide us. These aren’t just minor issues, either. They’re things we all feel very strongly about. When we feel strongly about things, we tend to respond strongly and attack those who we once were close to.
Let’s not go there, friends. Can we agree that we all need some grace? Actually, a LOT of grace?
According to my Greek study Bible, grace means
“joy, favor, acceptance, kindness”.
Yes, that’s what we all need for ourselves and for others.
We are all coping with this differently, for different reasons. It’s a wacky, multifaceted, complicated situation affecting everyone uniquely. So…
When your friends post facebook rants about how tyrannical the government has becomes - give them grace.
When others lash out at you for wanting to reopen businesses - give them grace.
When others are infuriated that they have to wear masks in certain stores - give them grace.
When your friends seem to have become conspiracy theorists - give them grace.
When you’re an emotional mess one day and can hardly get out of bed - give yourself grace.
When you’re so furious because you’re not sure if your vacation will be canceled but then you feel guilty for worrying about that when people are dying - give yourself grace.
When you’re just so tired of all the conflicting media reports and ideas out there - give yourself grace.
When you become fearful that maybe there really is a giant, malevolent force behind all this orchestrating the whole thing - give yourself grace.
This is all hard enough as it is. Let’s not make it worse by dividing households, friends, family members, coworkers and neighbors. Because honestly, it’s messy and complicated. The truth is hard to find and hard to recognize. Do masks help? Is the government overreaching? Is there an evil conspiracy? Should we reopen businesses and when and how? I don’t know. I’m torn on most of those issues myself.
But one thing I do know: God. Is. In. Control. He hasn’t left His throne. Worst case: some evil entity has planned the whole thing and our planet is destined for destruction and/or to plummet into third world world status because of the virus, economic collapse and giant killer hornets. (Sorry - couldn’t leave out the hornets.)
Even if all that is true… GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL He has a plan and is following it. He’s not surprised or caught off guard or nervous. He loves us and is using this for our good and His glory. Not our comfort, necessarily, but our good. We have to trust Him and do what we are called to do - walk with Him moment by moment and become more like Jesus.
“He has shown you, oh man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
Which definitely includes giving ourselves and others lots of grace.
When Life Takes a Turn
I’ve always had a fascination with Route 66. It starts in Chicago and goes all the way to California. The fun thing about it is that it was built before the highway system, when Americans enjoyed the journey aspect of a family road trip as much as the destination. The roads are slower and there are quirky road stops all along the way, from teepee shaped hotels to a ranch of Cadillacs half buried in the ground.
In life, we tend to look for our destinations. What will I be when I grow up? What’s God’s calling for my life? What is my perfect job?
But what if the destination isn’t the important thing?
In high school, I thought I wanted to be a professional clarinet player. I excelled at it and spent hours and hours practicing, going to orchestra rehearsals and my senior year, going in to New York City every Saturday to attend a special pre-college program at the Juilliard School.
I went to college and majored in clarinet performance. But during my time there, my priorities shifted and my dream to be a professional musician shifted. I still loved playing, but I wasn’t sure being a professional musician was the lifestyle I wanted.
During college, I spent a summer in the Middle East, sharing my faith with college students there. I loved it! I thought for sure THAT was my destination for the future - an overseas missionary.
I went back to that country for a year after college. I enjoyed it, but felt very drained by the end. It just wasn’t a good long term fit for my personality. So I came home and joined the missions organization that I had been overseas with. They created a new position where I could be part of their music ministry, performing concerts and telling others about Jesus, while also having a ministry reaching out to music majors at a nearby college. It seemed perfect.
I worked on raising financial support for almost a year and then hit a dead end. In the process, I met my husband. He and I got married and I left full time staff, but ended up volunteering with the same organization in the city we moved to.
Now I homeschool our kids, teach private music lessons and write. I serve at my church, help lead our homeschool co op and still volunteer with that college ministry. Did God waste all of those things that I did before? No! I learned so much and grew in my relationship with God. He’s still using those experiences and I trust He will continue to do so. Why? Because the journey is about becoming more like Jesus.
What does that look like, becoming more like Jesus? What’s the road map to get there?
We tend to like GPS coordinates and phone apps that plot the most direct route, avoid traffic and road construction, and feature rest stops with Starbucks. Yet the journey to becoming more like Jesus is seldom a direct, straight path.
God uses the circumstances in our life to make us more like Him. At least, that’s the plan. It’s up to us to cooperate.
Sometimes the unexpected twists and turns are just stops on the way to give us the experiences we need for some future venture He has planned for us. I see that a lot in my convoluted journey to where my life is today.
Other times, our life circumstances are meant to get our attention and help us to grow in our faith.
Whether you’re a veteran homeschooler by choice or have been suddenly thrust into teaching your kids at home because of COVID-19, you know that you can present your student with the most well thought through lesson, but it’s their choice to receive it. If they don’t cooperate, there’s no learning that takes place. That’s not your fault - it’s their’s.
Our spiritual lives are the same way. God will put us in situations to teach us more about Him and to help us become more like Him, but it’s up to us to cooperate.
Has life taken a wacky turn as of late? Illness, job loss, relational stress, an unexpected move?
Or a global pandemic where we all have to stay home for a month (hopefully just a month?). Yeah, there’s that.
It’s easy to get frustrated and confused, but what if God is trying to get our attention? What if it’s an opportunity for us to become more like Jesus and get to know Him better?
One of the amazing things about God is that He is the perfect guide on our journey. What may look like chaos in our lives is actually a perfectly planned trail for our becoming more like Jesus. He is the perfect orchestra conductor, the perfect curriculum creator, the ultimate back woods guide to get us where we need to be. It may look crazy and nonsensical, but it is actually perfectly planned by our Heavenly Father who loves us passionately and knows that what is best for us is our becoming more like Him.
So if you’re struggling today with what your path looks like, take a deep breath and ask God to show you what your next step is on the journey to becoming more like Jesus.
Why Did a Good Man Have to Die?
We love Easter with its message of hope and new life. It’s one of my favorite holidays! But before we get to the empty tomb, we have to go through the cross.
Why did Jesus die? Why was He brutally beaten and whipped and then cruelly nailed to a cross to die?
Because He was our substitute. He died in our place.
Why would I need a substitute?
“For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23
“The wages of sin is death.” Romans 6:23
But I’m a good person. I go to church, I’ve never killed anyone, I don’t hurt people.
Our society has a standard for what a good person is, but God’s standard is different. The Pharisees in Jesus’ day were the religious elite. They followed all the rules plus added more rules just in case the initial rules weren’t enough. They followed all of them.
Yet over and over, Jesus told them they had missed the point.
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.” Matthew 23:25
The Pharisees, like us, were experts at looking good on the outside but being far from God on in the inside. God is very clear that all of us have sinned and fallen short of His standard. I have, you have, even the best person you can think of has sinned.
That’s why we need Jesus - why we need a substitute. We deserve to be separated from God here in this life and forever after death. No amount of trying to fix that can make any difference.
But God…
That’s one of the best phrases in the Bible! We are in a terrible mess, but God… We have messed up our lives by trying to figure it out on our own, but God…
Because of God’s love for us, He created a solution to the problem. He came to earth as Jesus, lived a perfect life and died on the cross in our place.
“But God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
He was our substitute. We deserved death, but Jesus died in our place.
We have a choice. Will we agree with God that we aren’t good enough to earn our way to heaven? Will we accept that Jesus’ death on the cross counts as payment in full for our sin? Will we accept that gift and ask Him to be our Savior? When we do that, He comes to live within us and shows us how to live the way He created us to live.
“It is by grace you have been saved, through faith. And that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Not as a result of works so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9
What do you fear?
Every other week, we host a Bible study for teens that my husband Joe teaches. We tried it last week via video for the first time. It was interesting and will take some getting used to, but it worked. He talked about the virus and how we can respond to it. One of the girls asked a great question: Is it wrong to be afraid?
In one sense, fear is a very normal and necessary part of life. Would you walk in front of a train or bus? No! Why? Because you’re afraid it would kill you. If you say that you trust God and don’t fear anything, so you’re going to step in front of the train, you’re not some amazing saint. You’re, um, unwise, to put it nicely. That type of fear is hard-wired into us by God in order to keep us alive. We drive on the correct side of the road, we turn off the stove burner before we leave the house, and we teach our kids to look both ways when they cross the street - in a sense, out of fear in order to protect ourselves. That type of fear isn’t wrong- it’s wise.
So yes, wash your hands, stay 6 feet away from people, do all those things that we’re being told to do to protect ourselves from the virus. That’s just being wise.
On the other hand, God told the Israelites over and over NOT to fear because He was with them. When fear and anxiety go beyond the basics of self-preservation is when it’s not healthy. Especially when it’s with things that are out of our control. We need to do what we can to keep ourselves safe, but then leave the rest in God’s hands.
One of my favorite verses is in Isaiah 8:12-14a.
“Do not call conspiracy
everything this people calls a conspiracy;
do not fear what they fear,
and do not dread it.
The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy,
he is the one you are to fear,
he is the one you are to dread.
He will be a holy place;”
God is the only one we are to truly fear – not a virus, not a recession or crashing stock market, none of that. Fear God.
The idea of fearing God rubs a lot of people the wrong way. Aren’t we suppose to see God as our friend, our companion who loves us and cares for us? Yes, but He’s also the Holy God, Creator if the Universe. He IS our perfect Heavenly Father who loves us and cares for us.
But He’s not safe.
And yet He’s good.
The Bible says that we can boldly approach Him because of Jesus’ death on the cross. We don’t need to be scared of Him, but we should fear Him.
I always think about it in terms of my kids and husband. I ask my kids, “Are you scared of your father?” No! He’s fun, and loves them and he’s great. They know they can talk to him about anything. “But would you disrespect him or disobey him?” No way! There’s some healthy fear of doing wrong. That should be our relationship with God. We’re not scared of Him, but we have a healthy fear of doing wrong because He is holy and perfect and just.
So what about our current situation? Do what you can in wisdom to protect yourself. But after that, don’t be anxious and fearful. If you know Jesus as your Savior, your life is in His hands. Even when you die, now or later, you can be confident that you’ll be with Him. He loves you and He holds your present and your future.
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So let’s keep the big picture in mind. And if you don’t know Him or if you’re not sure, talk to me!!! You can also check out Religion or Relationship to find out more.