What do you believe?

I don’t mean a list of theological statements. Deep down, what do you believe is true? True about yourself. True about God. True about the world around you and the one to come. Not what you think you *should* believe, but what you actually believe...

If we want to understand ourselves better and thereby grow in our relationship with God, we need to understand what we truly believe. If you’re struggling to grow in your faith or feel stuck dealing with the same anxiety and fear over and over, it might help you to examine your beliefs. 

Two categories…

There are two categories of beliefs to think about and pray about. One category consists of beliefs that are true, but that we don’t live out. They need to be nourished and reinforced so they make the journey from our heads to our hearts.

The other category is those things that we believe that actually aren’t true. We may have picked up ideas from our families of origin or from things we’ve read or heard. They just don’t line up with what the Bible teaches is true. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we believe them, but they show up in how we live.

We believe that which we live out

There are many things that we SAY we believe, but we really don’t. How do we know we don’t believe it? We don’t live it. In the same way, there are things we don’t realize we believe but we actually do. What we believe comes out in our actions and our words - both the words we say and the words that rattle around in our heads.

“...The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Luke 6:45b NIV

Christian author George MacDonald wrote,

“A man’s real belief is that which he lives by. What a man believes is the thing he does, not the thing he thinks.”

For example, I can say that I believe that God is in control. If I really believe that, then why am I so stressed out about every little detail of life? Why do I live as if it all depends on me? 

James talks about this idea in James 2:14-26. He explains that although we are not saved by our actions, our actions are evidence of what we really believe. If we claim to believe one thing, but then live differently, then we don’t really believe what we think we do. “Show me your faith without deeds and I will show you my faith by my deeds.” James 2:18b

Start with honest reflection
What are some things you believe about God? Then ask yourself if you live like those things are true. Look within - what do you really believe and live out?

If we want to grow in faith, peace and purpose, we have to be honest with ourselves about what we really believe to be true. Sometimes that’s a difficult journey. It exposes us and can be scary. But it’s also freeing. 

Here’s the thing… Living as if God is not in control is terrifying and stressful and causes all sorts of problems - physical, emotional, and spiritual. So is believing lies about ourselves, about God and about others. It’s not how we were designed. 

God created us. He designed us. Think about any piece of technology - a car, kitchen appliance or other machine. It was created - designed - to serve a certain purpose and to function a certain way. If you try and use it other than how its designers intended, it’s bound to have problems. You can’t use a snow blower to mow your lawn - you’ll only wreck both the snow blower and the lawn.. 

We’re the same way. God designed our bodies to run on certain foods and nutrients with regular exercise and at a healthy weight. When we don’t follow those things, we get sick, tired, and our bodies don’t function the way they’re supposed to.  

God also designed us to function in relationship with Him. When we believe things that aren’t true about Him or about ourselves and others, it causes problems because we’re not living the way He designed us to. 

So, if we can weed out the lies that we believe and replace them with truth, we’ll be much happier in the long run. It may be a painful process, but it brings so much joy, peace and freedom! 

To be fair, this isn’t as cut and dry as I would like it to be. It’s not just a switch that’s flipped one way or the other. “I really believe that God loves me and is in control,” or “I really believe that my life and destiny are completely up to me.” In reality, we fluctuate between the two. Perhaps it would be better to think of it as a slide with extremes on either end. Where on the spectrum are you? And how can you move closer to the “God loves me and is in control” side? 

What are some things you believe about yourself? Your worth? Your value? What you have to offer? Do those beliefs line up with what God says about you?

Understanding where we are is the first step to moving in the right direction. Over the next few weeks, we’ll look at some different areas of life where we tend to believe lies. Then we’ll look at how to go about replacing those lies with truth to move closer to living the way God designed us to live. 

How about you? How do you struggle most in this area?

What’s your most important thing today?

Earlier this week, I watched an interview with Greg McKeown, author of the book “Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less”. I haven’t read the book, but plan to. He asked one question in the interview that has been sticking in my head and heart:

“What’s the most important thing you need to do today?”

The answer will change day to day, but it’s the thinking about it that has affected me.

The next logical question that it leads me to  ask is, “What is most important and why?”

Is my writing most important? Is my relationship with my friends most important? What about my time with my kids? Paying the bills? Mopping the floor? Taking my daughter to the doctor? Taking a breath outside by myself and giving my anxieties to Jesus? 

What makes something important? Is it important if it earns money? If it adds notoriety an recognition to my name? What does Jesus consider to be important?

Sometimes taking care of myself is the most important thing and I need to remember that. If I’m not healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I won’t be as useful to those around me and ultimately to God. So maybe drinking 8 glasses of water and going to the gym is the most important thing today. Or making that appointment for the routine checkup I’ve been putting off for so long. Or saying no to that extra brownie or cookie. 

Maybe spending time praying and reading my Bible is my most important thing. Or giving thanks. Or choosing joy in a season of frustrations.

Sometimes being present for my kids is the most important thing. Stopping and really listening to that story or heart concern. Taking the time to patiently walk through that math problem with them and help them understand. Asking the deep questions in the car while running errands. Picking up a fun treat for lunch to raise morale on a gloomy day. Laughing and wrestling with them. 

Other days, spending quality time with my husband is the most important thing. Listening with attention as he shares his concerns for the future of our country and the safety of our family. Sending him an encouraging text during the day or showing affection. Doing the simple things to show him that he’s appreciated and loved. 

Listening to a friend. Buying a meaningful gift. Doing the laundry. Paying the bills. Those things are important. Suddenly the things that are usually ordinary become extraordinary. The little things become the big things. 

The normal and mundane become holy. 

(I’m pretty sure that checking email or facebook on my phone is usually not my most important thing.) 

When I take a few minutes to think about it, I instinctively know what’s important. 

The problem is that I rarely take a few minutes to think about it. 

I just go through my day doing the next thing. I make my to do list without considering what I should prioritize. 

It’s not that many things aren’t important. I can do more than one thing in a day. So if I prioritize being a good listener to my kids, it doesn’t mean that the laundry doesn’t get done. Going to the gym doesn’t mean I can’t look at facebook. For me, it’s more about me feeling like I’ve accomplished something important at the end of the day. 

I’m an enneagram 3, for those who are familiar with that personality system. I like to get things done - accomplish stuff. But I struggle sometimes feeling like I’m not accomplishing what I should be. Or the things I accomplish don’t seem significant enough. It’s a vague feeling that I’m missing something. 

But if I stop and consider what’s really important and then make sure I do those things, then I feel like my life has purpose and significance. It’s not that I’m doing things that are so different. It’s more about reminding myself of what I already know - what’s really important. 

What’s the most important thing for you to do today?

Choosing a Bible Reading Method

The Bible is God’s Word to us. According to 2 Timothy 3:16, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.”

Let’s be honest. With 66 different books, written by different authors in different time periods, made up of poems, history, prophesy and proverbs, the Bible can be a little daunting to read. We need to read it, study it, ingest it and apply it to our lives, but where do we start?

There are many different approaches to reading the Bible. Just navigating all the reading plans can be as intimidating as deciding where to start! I’ve tried quite a few over the years and I enjoy many of them.

I find that it’s not an issue of which Bible reading plan is “better” than another. It’s more about where you’re at in your relationship with God at the moment and what you need the most at that time.

Maybe one year you read through the whole Bible. At another time, you could just focus on one book per month. Try different methods and see what is the most beneficial to you. The point is to draw closer to God by learning more about His character and how He has designed us to live.

The first thing to decide is how much of the Bible you want to read in how much time.

Read the Bible in a Year

One popular method of Bible reading is to read the whole book cover to cover in one year. The Bible has 1189 chapters, so if you read four chapters a day, six days a week (leaving one day a week to catch up), you will read it all in one year.

Pros

One positive aspect to this approach is that it gives you a big picture view of the Scriptures. Many times, if we aren’t committed to reading through the entire Bible, we’ll focus mainly on the “easier” parts, such as the Psalms, Proverbs and the New Testament. We tend to shy away from books like Leviticus, Song of Solomon, and the prophets. As Christians who seek to live by the Bible, we really should have read through the entire thing at least once. Reading it in a year is a doable way to do that.

Cons

There are a couple things that can make this time frame tricky. First, depending on your season of life, four chapters a day might feel like a little much. It’s easy to start on track for a while but then get bogged down and behind. This can especially happen as life gets busy and you end up in sections of the Bible that are harder to understand.

Also, it can be easy to slip into making our Bible reading into a task that needs to be checked off. Any method can move into the category of “chore” rather than life-giving time with our Creator. Four chapters a day make it harder to go into much depth, so it can easily become a work that we’re doing for the sake of saying we’ve done it. So if you choose this method, I encourage you to guard against that. Pray before you read and ask God to speak to you. Even through Leviticus and Numbers.

Here’s a link to some downloadable Bible in a year options.

One Book per Month

A slower, more in depth time frame is to read and study one book in a month. You would read through the book multiple times during the month and perhaps memorize parts of it. Many do this with a New Testament book, but you could do it with an Old Testament book also. Shorter books tend to lend themselves more to this approach. Some read the entire book in one sitting every day, or a given section (i.e. Romans 1-7) every day. You could theoretically read as much or as little of the book each day as your time allows.

Pros

The advantage here is that you get a much more in depth understanding of a book when you focus on it every day for a month. You could combine this with Bible journaling where you illustrated various passages as a way of meditating on them.

Cons

The downside is that you’re not getting a broad spectrum of Scripture. Also, for those who thrive on variety, it may be challenging to stay in just one book for a whole month.

New Testament in a Month or a Year

The New Testament has 260 chapters, so you could opt for a slower pace and read that in a year at less than a chapter per day. Some also read the entire New Testament in a month, but that requires 9 chapters a day, 7 days a week – a much larger time commitment.

Your Own Pace

Another option is to simply read at your own pace. You might get through several chapters one day or just a few verses. The nice thing about doing it this way is that it allows for the flexibility of busier days versus calmer days. The downside is that if we’re not committed to reading a certain amount per day, we can tend to move very slowly through books that are more difficult.

Once you’ve figured out how much you want to read a day, where do you start?

In Order

You can always start with Genesis and read through to Revelation. (Or Matthew, if you’re just reading the New Testament.) It’s a good, no nonsense approach.

Chronological Order

Many of the books of the Bible weren’t written in the order they appear. For example, many of the Psalms were written by David as he was going through the experiences found in the Old Testament history books, and Paul wrote most of his epistles while traveling the journeys outlined in Acts. Reading chronologically can be a neat way to see how everything fits together in the Bible.

Here’s a pdf of a chronological reading plan.

Horner System         

This is a group of ten lists, some in the Old Testament and some from the New. The idea is that you read one chapter from each list a day. So you might read one chapter from Genesis, one from Psalms, one from Isaiah, one from Matthew, etc. It’s a nice way to satisfy the desire for variety, but it can feel like you lack any sort of continuity. When I’ve used this method, I’ve sometimes felt like I lost track of the flow of each book because there’s so much jumping around. You can modify this idea and read several chapters from an Old Testament book, some Psalms and some New Testament. That gives variety and a broader scope of Scripture while still maintaining the flow of each book.

Here’s the Horner plan.

Whatever you decide works best for your current season of life, try to see it through to the end. All Scripture is God breathed, so ask God to show you how to apply it to your life. Even if the culture it was originally written in was completely foreign to us, we can still see more of who God is and how He interacts with His people. We can take the principles that are taught and apply them to life in the 21st century. Enjoy your journey reading God’s Word!

What Bible reading methods have you most enjoyed?

What’s still true regardless of elections and viruses…

I have never been so emotional over an election. I vote and I care about who wins, but this time I was a wreck! Maybe I watched more of the hype ahead of time that made it sound like the world would end if my candidate didn’t win. Maybe I can chalk it up to midlife hormones or the stress of the pandemic? Either way, I was sort of ashamed of myself at how upset I was while watching it all. 

Anyone else feel that way? 

I had to take a step back and remember what is true. As in, really true. Not true because I saw it on Facebook or true like the media says it’s true, but foundationally true. Can’t-ever-change true.

God and His Word are true and can always be trusted.

“God is not human, that He should lie, not a human being, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?” Numbers 23:19

I don’t know what (outside of God) is true any more. Facebook certainly isn’t true at least half the time. The news always seems spun in one direction or another. It’s become so difficult to discern what’s really going on. The one thing I know I can trust is that God will never spin the truth. He is the bedrock, the rock eternal who never changes.

God and real truth never changes.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8

Presidents change. Politics change. Virus numbers and policies change. It seems like everything does right now, except for God.

Worship reminds us of Who is true and changeless.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:1-2

I found myself alone in the car yesterday blasting the Christian radio station and singing along.

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come…

It was freeing to worship Him and remember that He is Holy. It takes my eyes off of the insanity down here and puts them on Him. Worship is reminding ourselves of the character of God. Yes, we should ask Him to fix this mess here, but our first prayer should be to worship Him for Who He is. Worship puts everything back in its proper place. 

Much of our stress and anxiety comes from not having life in its right perspective. I get stressed when I’m putting my hope in which person is president or whether I have to wear a mask or not. We should care about those things and participate in our democracy. We should vote for what is right and godly. But that can’t be where our hope and joy and purpose is. 

The election chaos and virus mess are not surprises to God. It’s all part of His plan. The other thing I had to remind myself is that God’s plan is much bigger than my personal comfort and desires. He’s in control and my job doesn’t change regardless of who is president. 

“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

What has helped you to stay grounded in Him during this time?

Boundaries and Teens - Helping Teens Become Adults

Older teens, say ages 16-18, are getting close to becoming adults and being on their own. They’re taking on more and more responsibility (hopefully) and moving toward independence. But it’s not a clean, clear process. Sometimes they seem very independent and trustworthy and other times you stare at them and shake your head, wondering what they’re thinking. How do we help them grow into independent adults?

As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that this is a far bigger topic than one small blog post can cover. However, here are some things that have helped me as I walk through the process with my older 2 children (ages 16 and almost 18).

From the perspective of boundaries, we’re taking aspects of their lives that have always been in our yard and moving them into their yard. We take not only the physical, tangible aspects of their lives, but also the emotional ownership as well. We used to pick out their clothes for them, do their laundry, manage their schedules, and make sure they brushed their teeth every morning. When they were younger, we managed their lives and their futures for them, but now they need to manage all that on their own. 

I like the analogy of belaying down a cliff. The teen is holding on to the rope getting ready to be lowered down the cliff face to get to the bottom. The parents are holding the rope at the top, gradually letting it out so their teen can make it to the bottom. At times, the teen would prefer that we just let go and let him speed down to the bottom. At other times, he’d rather that we pull him back up to the top and not go down at all. 

Our job as parents is to control how fast the rope is let out. Sometimes that means letting it out more slowly than the teen would prefer and sometimes it means to go faster than he’d prefer. The process needs to keep moving so they get to the bottom - independence and adulthood.

Which Responsibilities Does Your Teen Already Own?

How do we do this? Take a step back and look at what you currently take responsibility for in the life of your older teen. Which of those things will he need to be responsible for when he’s living on his own? 

Do you…

• Wake him up in the morning?

• Do his laundry?

• Keep track of his schedule?

• Manage his finances?

• Remind him of school responsibilities?

• Remind him about personal hygiene?

How about on an emotional level?

• Are you more concerned about his future life track than he is?

• Do you take ownership and responsibility for his choices of career?

All those things need to end up squarely in his yard when he is living independently. But it is a process and doesn’t have to happen all at once. Kids this age are still kids. They’re trying to figure it all out. But we can help move them in the right direction.

We learn through consequences. If I do this and the consequences are good, then I keep doing it. When I make a different choice, the consequences are negative, so I stop doing that. One of the keys to having healthy boundaries is to allow others to feel the consequences of their decisions. This is especially true of teens. The problem is that some of those consequences can be pretty high and some of them impact us as parents.

Move the low risk things into their yard

It helps me to think of responsibilities as either high risk or low risk. Laundry is fairly low risk. I can hand that over to my teen and if he doesn’t do it, the consequences are pretty low. Also, the consequences are on him, which is key. He suffers with dirty clothes if he doesn’t get his laundry done. It becomes fairly self-regulating. 

Food is also pretty low risk, to a point. We’ve tried to instill good eating habits in our kids from the start, so they generally eat healthy. I don’t regulate their breakfast and lunch or snacks by this age. If it were to get too far out of control (ice cream for breakfast?) I would definitely step in though! But if they don’t eat well, they’re not going to feel well, so that is fairly self-regulating also.

Their schedule, to a large extent, is fairly low risk. We homeschool, so my oldest now chooses when he does which subject. As long as it all gets done, it’s up to him. He has a business mowing lawns and doing landscaping. He manages all that schedule on his own. If he lets down a customer, he has to deal with that. The consequences are on him.

What are some low risk things that you can move into your teen’s yard and out of yours?

Move high risk responsibilities gradually while coaching

Other things are much more high risk if the ball is dropped. Applying for college before the due date, big financial decisions, waking up in time to take an important test, being diligent about scholarship applications and deadlines… These things affect not only the teen but the parents and their finances as well. They’re also much bigger issues with higher consequences. 

Every parent is different and every child is different. Maybe if there’s been a track record of not taking responsibility, you might want to let your child feel some big consequences and take a hit yourself in order to teach a lesson. It depends on the situation. For me, my oldest is generally responsible but some things he just doesn’t realize what could go wrong or he doesn’t have the experience to totally handle the situation without any guidance. 

In those cases, I try to coach and guide but be as hands off as possible. I’ve talked to my kids about different types of planners and ways of tracking important appointments and deadlines so they have the tools. But it becomes up to them to use them. I might go as far as asking, “So what’s your plan for remembering these deadlines?” 

One thing I’ve also done is to make note of the deadline or whatever it is, but then step back and let him manage it to see how it goes. But I still know when the appointment is just in case. Isn’t that stopping him from feeling the consequences? Maybe… But usually, he ends up coming through just fine. Me being backup is more about my own peace of mind than anything else. If he is about to miss the deadline, I might instill other consequences instead.

Let’s say there’s a big college scholarship application due on a certain day. If he fails to remember to fill it out, it impacts my own finances in paying for his college. I could wait to remind him until just a couple days before the deadline, forcing him to cram all the work into one weekend and cancel any fun plans he might have had. That way he’s feeling the consequences of waiting until the last minute, but the application is still getting done.

As they master one area, move on to another

I find that when there’s something new, I need to be more involved. But then as he gets the hang of the new responsibility, I can back off and let him take care of it. My son’s senior year of high school he took a college English course online. I was very involved at the beginning, making sure he understood the deadlines and how the course worked. I wanted to make sure his work was good since this would end up on his college transcript.

After a little while, he got the hang of it and I became more comfortable that he had it all under control. I let him take care of it and only got involved when he had questions. 

When he first started his lawn mowing business, I was very involved. I made sure he documented who paid him when and what jobs had to be done. As time went on, I backed off more and more. At one point, he came to me because a customer thought he had already paid my son for a job but my son didn’t think he had. He hadn’t documented when he had been paid so he had no proof that he was right. I told him he needed to give the customer the benefit of the doubt since he hadn’t written it down. That was a low risk (on my part) consequence for not being diligent. And it only cost my son $20, but it taught the lesson.

As a parent, it’s both scary and freeing to hand off responsibility to our teens. It’s rewarding to see them becoming adults. Sometimes it takes courage on our part to let them make their own choices and at times make their own mistakes. But that’s how we learn and grow.

Say No So You Can Say Yes

When you look at your schedule for the day or for the week or month, how does it make you feel? Excited? Panicked? Depressed? Are you looking forward to what’s there?

Obviously we all have responsibilities that may not bring us joy and happiness. Everything can’t be fun and exciting. But if our schedules are so jam packed with things that maybe aren’t ours to do then our planners are going to feel like black holes wanting to suck us into the depths. 

We’ve been talking about all this negative stuff and how to say no. It’s hard to say no, but necessary if we don’t want our lives run roughshod over by the rest of the world. 

The upside to all this is that we get to say a definitive YES to the things that God is calling us to say yes to.

Giving a Cheerful Yes

Second Corinthians 9:7 says, “Each of you should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” Paul is talking to the church about giving financially. Decide ahead of time what you’re going to give and then do so cheerfully. Don’t let anyone bully you into giving more. 

Even though this is talking about money, I believe the same concept applies to giving our time and energy. Decide ahead of time what you will say yes to and then do that cheerfully - not reluctantly because someone guilted you into it. 

Maybe you love to cook and would like to serve on the church’s meal train list. You’ve said no to enough other things and freed up the time to make an extra meal when it’s needed. How often can you do that cheerfully? You might need to set a limit on how often you’ll serve. Once a week? Once a month? Or maybe you’ll decide to set aside one Saturday a month to make several freezer meals just for the purpose of having them ready to go when someone has a baby or needs surgery. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to cheerfully say yes. 

Or maybe you want to commit to being in a group Bible study, or to spending more time in prayer. Do you want to invest in a hidden talent of yours to use it for God’s glory? What would you say ‘yes’ to right now if you could clear some time in your schedule? 

Create margin to say yes to the unexpected

There are times, of course, when things come up unexpectedly and someone needs help that wasn’t in the plan and is truly a burden of theirs that you can help them carry. It might inconvenience us or take time away from other things we’ve said yes to. If it’s truly a burden, help them. Jesus calls us to go out of our way to help those in need.

Think of the Good Samaritan. I’m sure it wasn’t in his plan to help the man who had been robbed and beaten. His help was an inconvenience, both in his time and his energy and money. I’m sure he hadn’t decided ahead of time that he would get into the “helping-those-who-have-been-robbed-and-beaten-and-left-to-die” ministry. It was just a situation that arose unexpectedly.

If our schedules are so busy with things that we really haven’t been called by God to do, then we won’t have any margin in our lives to help in those situations that arise out of nowhere. If we’re always pressed for time and running late, we won’t even notice the person lying by the side of the road. There will be no way that we can give an elderly friend a ride to a doctor’s appointment or help a neighbor move something or be a listening ear to someone who is lonely or depressed. Having healthy boundaries can create margin in our lives and enable us to serve others better. 

Saying Yes to Keeping Ourselves Healthy

As I mentioned in my instagram post this week, life is a marathon, not a sprint. We need to take care of ourselves if we’re not going to burn out. It’s not selfish to guard some time in our days and weeks to maintain our own emotional and spiritual health. 

Taking time to do what refreshes us, whatever that might be, helps us to serve God and others better and over a longer term. When we allow ourselves to be so busy and don’t allow time to take care of ourselves, it’s counter-productive. 

“But I can’t take time for myself - I’m too busy helping everyone else!” You won’t be of much use to anyone else if your stress and exhaustion land you sick, crabby or worse. 

Set aside time to keep yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. Everyone will be better for it!

What for you are the advantages of saying no so that you can say yes?

Why is it so Hard to Say ‘No’?

Last week we talked about saying ‘no’ to carrying the normal, everyday loads of others. For some of us, saying ‘no’ can be so difficult! Let’s take a look at some reason why it can be so hard.

We think it’s our Christian duty to do whatever anyone asks us to do. 

Christians are “nice” people, right? We’re helpful and kind and generous. So, that must mean that whenever someone says they need help, we should help them. Isn’t that what Jesus would do? 

Not necessarily. There were plenty of times that Jesus walked away from people who still needed help and healing. He didn’t stick around and heal every last person he came across. In Matthew 8:18, He saw the crowd gathering (He had just healed Peter’s mother in law), probably because there were more people who wanted and needed to be healed. But He didn’t stick around - he took off for the other side of the lake! 

Jesus knew His mission and stuck to it. We would do well to do the same. Think about it this way: God has called you to do certain things in life, right? Raise your kids, serve your spouse, serve at church… Can you do everything that everyone asks of you? Do you have enough time to even help out at church in every area where it’s needed? No way. You can’t work in the nursery and play on the worship team and teach Sunday School and be a greeter. It’s impossible. You can’t be two places at once and there are only so many hours in the day.

So, if you can’t do everything, you have to say ‘no’ to certain things so you can say yes to what God has called you to. Jesus could have spent decades going around and physically healing everyone He came across, but that wasn’t His mission. He healed some, but He came to show us who He was and to die on the cross for our sin. There were many people He say ‘no’ to.

We need to figure out what God has called us to do and say ‘no’ to the things that don’t fall in line with that. If you’re a wife and mother, you’re called to raise your kids and serve your hubby. If serving in church or in the community gets in the way of serving your family, you’re trying to do too much. You need to say no in order to do what God has called you to do. 

We own other peoples’ emotions and feel responsible if they don’t like our ‘no’.

You told your mother that you would be spending Thanksgiving with the in-laws this year because they live closer and it’s the better option with a new baby. You say it nicely but she still gives you the guilt trip about and you feel terrible. She even conjures up some sniffles and tears to try and get you to change your mind.

Yes, you should be kind and fair to your mother, but her emotions and reactions are in her yard, not yours. If you make decisions based on her emotions, you’ll end up frustrated and bitter. 

I used to help out in our church nursery. I did it with my teen daughter for a while, and it was fine, but it honestly wasn’t my favorite thing. What I really wanted to do was to stretch myself a bit and work at “Starting Point”, our church’s information booth. I wanted the challenge of being more outgoing and meeting new people and answering their questions and making them feel welcome. 

When my daughter joined the worship team and could no longer do the nursery either, I told them I wouldn’t be working there any more. I felt bad since I was needed there and didn’t want to let them down, but I really felt like Starting Point was a better place for me. I had to make a decision based on where I believed God was leading me, not based on whether I would disappoint someone else. 

We want to be so busy that we don’t have time to think and reflect. 

Sometimes we run from quiet and calm because then we don’t have to deal with our own stuff. We weren’t designed to be as busy as we are. Sometimes I think we say yes to everything because we are afraid that if we have time to slow down and think, we will have to confront issues and messiness in our own lives. We need time alone to reflect and be intentional about who we are and what we’re doing.

We equate being busy in service to others with godliness and significance.

If I’m busy serving God and others, then my relationship with God must be good, right? In our society, we are so trained to believe that our worth is tied up in what we do or what we produce. As a result, sometimes we say yes to everything so we feel like we’re worthwhile and needed. We need to be needed by others because it makes us feel important. 

Serving God and others is good and admirable and if our faith doesn’t result in good works, then according to James 2:26, we need to examine ourselves to see if our faith is real. But, our worth does not come from our works. We are dearly loved by God - that’s where our worth comes from. 

We don’t respect ourselves and our time enough to say no.

I’m just going to leave that there…

We fear the repercussions of saying no - loss of relationship, loss of status…

If I don’t help my friend every time she needs me to pick up her kids from soccer practice, maybe she won’t like me anymore. Well, if she’s that petty and doesn’t respect you or your time, then perhaps it’s time for different friends. Or, if I say no to all the extra projects at work, maybe I won’t get the promotion. Is the promotion worth sacrificing your family and other important relationships? Not to mention your sanity?

How about you? Do you have trouble saying ‘no’? Why? What can you do this week to change that?

Do You Feel Used and Empty?

Let’s say you have a friend who is constantly running behind and regularly asks you to pick up one of her kids from practice or after school. Or maybe she doesn’t plan her Sunday school lessons ahead and frequently asks you to sub for her at the last minute. There always seems to be a crisis that she needs your help with.

And what do you say?

Yes.

You say yes because you’re a nice person and you feel like it’s the nice, Christian thing to do. You smile on the outside, but inside you’re getting annoyed and frustrated and bitter. Then you feel guilty for feeling that way because we’re supposed to help each other and you should be doing it happily and not getting all resentful.

So you keep saying yes until your own family suffers because all this helping is interfering with your responsibilities. You keep thinking that this friend will get her act together and be able to handle her own stuff. She gives you all sorts of reasons why this will be the last time.

And then it’s not.

What’s going on? Is this just what being a Christian is all about? Is helping your friend your “cross to bear”? 

No, it’s not. You both have unhealthy boundaries. She is pushing her load into your yard and you’re allowing her to. 

Burdens and Loads

Loads are the normal responsibilities of life and burdens are the crises - the unexpected, out of the ordinary things that come up that we just can’t handle on our own. If you didn’t read last week’s post, I talk about this more in detail there.

Let me clarify - burdens are REAL crises, not ones brought about by consistent poor choices. Your friend’s elderly father was rushed to the hospital after falling in his apartment and she needs you to pick up her kids from school. That counts as a crisis. Her cookies are going to burn in the oven because she started them too late because she was busy watching a fascinating episode of Oprah. Definitely not a crisis. 

Sometimes your friend is always running behind because she is simply trying to do too much - a very prevalent problem in today’s society. If any of us are so busy that we can’t keep up with our own responsibilities, then we’re doing too much. 

Boundary issues in pairs - user and enabler

Many times, people with boundary problems come in pairs, whether it’s in the workplace, the family or the church. You may find one person who tends to take other peoples’ “stuff” into their yard who is in a relationship of some sort with someone who tends to push their stuff into others’ yards. We could label them “user” and “enabler”. The user, instead of taking ownership of their actions, responsibilities and choices, pushes those things into the yard of an enabler. The enabler feels that they’re being kind and helpful by taking the user’s load (but over time becomes resentful). 

One key issue to look at here: If you tend to be the enabler - the one who takes on other peoples’ loads as your own - are your actions really helping the other person in the long run? Let’s say you have a coworker who doesn’t use their time wisely and frequently doesn’t finish projects on time. They consistently ask you to help them out at the last minute, to the expense of your own work, so that they can avoid the consequences of missing a deadline. By taking on their load as your own, you may be helping them at that moment to avoid negative consequences, but are you helping them in the long run to use their time more wisely and accomplish what they need to? 

If that coworker needs help because they had a death in the family or some sort of legitimate crisis, then your help is helping to carry their burden, which we should be doing. 

God’s gift of consequences

God has established the universe to run a certain way. He designed human beings to function best when we follow His design and live the way He made us to. When we don’t follow that design, there are consequences. Those consequences are meant to get us back on the path of living the way He designed us to - both for our good and God’s glory. If we remove those consequences in someone else’s life, then we’re enabling them to continue their destructive behavior. In the long run, that hurts them, not helps them.

Our bodies are designed to function best when we eat healthy and maintain a healthy weight, get regular exercise, don’t drink too much alcohol, don’t use drugs, etc. When we violate those “design parameters” then there are consequences. Less energy, depression and anxiety, diseases such as diabetes and heart problems and a shorter life expectancy. If we violate God’s command to wait on sex until marriage there are consequences of sexually transmitted diseases, emotional trauma, broken homes, children growing up without two married parents which leads to poverty and crime and the list goes on.

Just Say No

What’s the solution? How do we not become the enabler? We say no. We allow others to feel the consequences of their choices. (Of course there’s also a time to show mercy - it gets very muddy and confusing and we have to pray ask God for wisdom!)

If you have trouble saying no on the spot, it can be helpful to say, “Let me get back to you on that.” That gives you the chance to stop and think and pray about whether you really can do what’s being asked or not. It gets you out of being backed into a corner, forced to make a quick decision where you’re likely to default to your yes.

Next week we’ll talk more about saying no. And yes! 

Which do you have more trouble with - being the enabler or the user?

Serving God and Others with Healthy Boundaries

Do you feel like someone always wants something from you? You don’t mind helping out when people need it, but too often it gets out of control. As a Christian, we’re supposed to give to everyone who asks, right? But it’s a struggle not to get bitter and frustrated that you never have any time for yourself to do what you need to get done. You struggle to even find time to read the Bible and pray and nourish your relationship with God because you end up with so many responsibilities for others.

Or, perhaps your life feels out of control. You have habits, health issues, or addictions that keep eluding your ability to manage. You tend to blame other people, past experiences, and other things for your problems.

Either way, unhealthy boundaries might be the cause. Think of boundaries as being an invisible fence surrounding your life, complete with a gate that you control. Inside your fence are the things that you are responsible for, such as your body, health, time, emotions, actions, thoughts, money, and faith. You can open the gate and let people use your resources within your yard or you can keep the gate closed.

I grew up watching the consequences of unhealthy boundaries. My parents didn’t require my younger brother to experience the consequences of his actions and they bailed him out, both literally and figuratively, on numerous occasions. The result was an adult who had trouble providing for himself, fathered numerous children with various women, and couldn’t seem to settle on a profession, even in his mid-thirties. Then, a few years ago he died while driving his motorcycle drunk. 

I’ve had my own boundary issues, more along the lines of trying to please everyone and not saying no when I need to. That has its own consequences of feeling overwhelmed, used, and walked over. It hindered my relationships with other people and with God. Finding ways to establish healthy boundaries has made a huge difference in my life. My life would look very different today had I not made those changes. The book “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is excellent and I highly recommend it. 

Problem #1 – The People Pleaser

There are two main problems that can arise. The first problem is when you allow other people to push too many of their things into your yard. You say yes, even when you want to say no. You are, like me, the classic people-pleaser. The problem is not that you are serving others, but rather that you do too much until you become bitter and resentful. You help others so much that you’re not able to take responsibility for what is already in your yard.

 In 2 Corinthians 9:7, Paul says, “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” The context is talking about giving financially, but I think it can be applied to giving of our time and resources as well. 

There is a man in our church I’ll call Ted. He has some mental health issues as well as alcohol and drug problems. He had burned out many of the men in the church who tried to help him. He’d call them constantly and demand a lot of attention that they just didn’t have the time to give. They had their own families and jobs to be responsible for. A couple years ago, my husband, Joe, decided to start working with him. He was very clear with Ted from the beginning and explained that he had Wednesday evenings available to work with him. He would gladly give Ted that time for Bible study, mentoring, or just talking through life’s issues. He couldn’t call all the time or expect Joe to be available all hours of the day and night. He needed to understand that Joe had his own responsibilities to take care of. He was clear about what he was freely giving to Ted and where that ended. The result was a very healthy, respectful relationship.

It’s OK to be available to someone at a certain time and not available at other times. Imagine how pastors must handle it. If they allowed themselves to be available to their entire congregation all the time, how would they ever get anything else done? Mow the lawn? Spend time with their families? They have to draw boundaries. It’s OK for the rest of us to do the same.

Your load is like your backpack. It’s reasonable and it’s your responsibility.

A burden is something too big for you to carry alone.

Loads and Burdens

In Galatians 6, there are two verses that also deal with this issue. Verse 2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” A few verses later in Galatians 6:5 it says, “for each one should carry his own load.” Obviously, ‘burdens’ and ‘loads’ are two different things, if one we’re supposed to help others with and the other we’re not. I believe loads are the everyday responsibilities of life. Going to work, making dinner, doing the laundry, and things like that. It’s our own “stuff” of life that we should each be responsible for. Burdens are the crises, the things that are above and beyond the normal in life.

One example of this is my friend Christine. We have kids the same age and both homeschool, so we call each other almost every day to offer support and encouragement and share our frustrations. We rarely talk in the evenings because we know that our husbands are home and that’s generally family time. When she was pregnant with her third child, she called me at 12:30 at night to say that she was going into labor 6 weeks early and could I come over in the morning to watch her older two kids. I had no problem with any of it. I had agreed beforehand to watch her kids when she went into labor (and she had done the same for me). It didn’t matter that she called after I had gone to bed because this was a burden that she couldn’t be expected to bear alone. I was happy to be there for her and help her. Putting our own husbands and families first in everyday circumstances is part of our everyday loads that we carry ourselves. But significant life issues and needs beyond our ability to handle are burdens that we are called to help others bear.

Just Say No

What’s the solution if you struggle letting others push their responsibilities into your yard? A polite but firm “no”. No, I can’t answer the phone or texts at 3am if it’s not really an emergency. No, I can’t watch your kids at a moment’s notice for the 85th time just because you want to go out to lunch with a friend. I’m busy with my own children. No, I won’t do what you want me to, even if you tell me how upset you are about it. 

Emotions can make this whole thing tricky. Sometimes we tend to say yes when we really mean no because we’re worried the other person will be upset or disappointed with us. We should be considerate of others’ feelings, but that’s no way to make a decision. If you know you’re making the right decision and communicate it tactfully, the other person’s emotions are their responsibility. Don’t do things you don’t want to do just because of someone else’s emotions. There’s no need to be rude, just firm. Decide what you will do to help in a given situation and stick to it.

Problem #2 – The helpless victim

The second kind of boundary problem involves someone who doesn’t take responsibility for their own “stuff” but pushes it into other people’s yards. They tend to blame others for things they really do have control over. When we fail to take responsibility for our lives, we end up staying stuck in destructive, unhealthy ruts. If you feel like your life is in constant crisis, take a look and see if there’s something you’re not taking responsibility for. Don’t blame others for things that you can fix.

This also comes into play when we don’t take responsibility for our sin. God calls us to repentance. We need to be honest with ourselves and God about what we’ve done wrong in order to repent. Think of a child - they just lied or whacked their sibling or busted a lamp. They first need to admit that they did it and take responsibility for it. If they keep blaming someone else for what they did, you know they aren’t really repentant. We need to be honest about our sin so we can truly repent of it.

Sometimes things happen to us and we are legitimate victims of one kind or another and there are situations that are out of our control. I would encourage you to figure out what you can take responsibility for. Forgive those who have hurt you and take ownership of whatever you can change or how you can heal. Don’t stay stuck.

Resolving issues with unhealthy boundaries can free you up to get a handle on your own life responsibilities as well as enable you to serve others joyfully, not out of guilt or coercion. Improving my own boundaries has made a huge impact on my life. 

I plan to take the next few weeks and talk more in depth about boundary issues that arise. What struggles do you have in this area? Please let me know in the comments or send me an email. 

Dealing with our Inner Critic

What does your inner critic sound like? If you could give him or her a tone of voice, what would it be? Would it be accusatory? Gentle? Angry? I guess if we’re calling it a critic then it must be critical, if nothing else. If you made that voice in your head into a person, what would he or she look like?

Sometimes that voice is so embedded in our minds that we don’t actually hear the voice - it’s more of a sense or an intuition. It can be very helpful to actually pay attention to it and write down what it says. Give the voice a persona. It’s easier to deal with something that we can see and hear clearly. It’s trickiest when it is just a subtle tickling in the recesses of our minds. It still influences us, but it’s a foe that’s hiding in the dark rather than one we can deal with out in the open. 

I think I would name mine Bertha. She’s a big, ugly bully. (My deepest apologies to anyone actually has that name!) When I don’t live up to what I think I should be, she is pretty harsh and ungracious. I’m not sure where that came from - my parents didn’t talk to me like that. Regardless, I don’t tend to be very kind to myself when I feel like I don’t measure up. I need to train Bertha to sound more like God and how He dealt with Gideon.

God’s Gentleness with Gideon

One of the things I’ve been encouraged by in the story of Gideon is how God was gentle with him. God could have whacked him upside the head for being a wimp and a coward and always asking for confirmation and signs, but He didn’t. He led Gideon on a journey, step by step, to becoming the mighty warrior that He called him when God first encountered him. He took him on a journey and was gentle with him.

Last week we talked about how God first appeared to Gideon. Gideon didn’t even believe he was talking to God until God burned up his offering with the touch of a stick. Then Gideon took his first step and obeyed God in tearing down his father’s false idols and setting up an altar to the Lord. God rewarded his obedience (even though it was done at night in fear of his family and the townspeople - it’s OK to do it scared!) and kept him from being killed by the townspeople. 

Then “the Spirit of the Lord came on Gideon” (Judges 6:34) and he had the courage to rally the locals to follow him. I would say that was a pretty big step! It takes a lot of courage to declare yourself a leader and ask others to follow you. For a lot of us, that’s where the “imposter syndrome” kicks in. Who am I to lead? Who am I to do this thing? I’m not worthy… But Gideon, led by the Spirit, stepped up and blew the trumpet to summon everyone. 

Then he seemed to doubt himself and God again. He asked God for a sign to show that God really was with him and would bring him success. I’m thinking it was a “oh my goodness - people ARE actually listening to me - now I have to follow through and do this!” sort of moment. You work up the guts to take that first step and when you see results, it’s suddenly scary again! 

So Gideon asked God for a sign. Did God rail him for his lack of faith or his desire for proof? No. God gave him what he asked for - twice! Gideon asked for specific signs and God gave them to him. 

Next, God whittled down the number of men that Gideon had to work with as soldiers until the Israelites were ridiculously outnumbered by the Midianites. Then God encouraged Gideon again, without him even asking. God told him that if he was afraid to attack the Midianites (with only 300 soldiers) that he should sneak down to their camp and listen in. God allowed him to overhear one Midianite telling another about a dream he had had. The Midianite understood the dream to be a foreshadowing of Gideon beating them all in battle. 

Hearing that gave Gideon another boost of encouragement and he led his men in a very unconventional plan to defeat the Midianite army. 

Gideon seemed to be a fearful, doubtful, insecure guy, but God used him. God was patient with him and gave him the encouragement he needed to carry out his task of rescuing the Israelites from their enemies. 

What can we take away from his life? 

Obeying while scared is a legitimate and God-honoring option

Gideon’s first act of obedience was tearing down his father’s altars to false gods and making them into an altar to the LORD. He did it, but was so scared about it that he did it at night. But he did it! Is there something you believe God has asked you to do but you’re scared out of your mind to do it? Don’t wait for the fear to subside. Just do it. He doesn’t honor your obedience less because it terrifies you. Sometimes we just need to accept the fact that we’re afraid and make the choice to obey anyway.

Adjust your inner critic to sound more like God

Our inner critic is usually much more harsh and ungracious than how God actually deals with us. God didn’t berate Gideon for his fear and insecurity, so we shouldn’t do that to ourselves. Write down what your inner critic says and then compare it to how Jesus talked to people. He was kind of rough on the Pharisees, but they were being hypocrites and leading people away from God while supposedly representing God. Other than that, Jesus was very gentle with people. Would He talk to you the way you talk to you? 

How much of our insecurity do you think comes from that inner critic humming in the background, telling us we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not anything enough? What if instead, we heard Jesus’ voice telling us He loves us and that we’re valuable because He made us? What if we quieted that critic long enough to hear the Holy Spirit whisper His guidance on what we should do next? We need to fill our minds with God’s Word and what is true about Him and us. Then we can tell the nasty inner critic to take a back seat.

How about you? How do you deal with your inner critic and learn to hear God’s voice instead?

Tripping Over Our Insecurity

Many things in life can cause us to trip in our relationships with God and others. If life is walking a path, these obstacles are like tree roots and rocks on that path that if we’re not careful, we’ll stub our toes or worse, fall flat on our faces. Insecurity is one of those rocks in the path for some of us. It can keep us from reaching out and having healthy friendships with others. It can keep us from pursuing His plan for our lives and the gifts and abilities He’s given us.

Growing up, I was very insecure. Not so much in my abilities, but in my relationships. I did well in school, got good grades and excelled in music, but people were a little harder to deal with. I was socially awkward and I still cringe at some of the outfits I wore (don’t we all?). I didn’t feel like I could just walk up to a group of peers and join in their conversation. 

As an adult, I’ve gradually grown more comfortable and confident with relationships but I sometimes feel insecure about my abilities. It’s hard to stand out and look good (I’m an Enneagram 3…) and I fall victim to “imposter syndrome”. Who am I to be writing this book or this blog? Who am I to lead this Bible study? To speak at a conference? I’m not good enough, not ready, not qualified enough. I don’t have everything figured out.

Gideon’s insecurity

In thinking about insecurity this week, the Bible story of Gideon came to mind. One thing I love about the Bible is that it’s full of very real people. Not perfect people who do everything right and follow God without fault. It’s full of people like Gideon. His story is found in Judges 6-8. 

The Israelites were having all kinds of problems with the Midianites. They were raiding the Israelites’ land and stealing their crops and livestock. No one seemed to be able to do anything about it.

The story opens with Gideon threshing wheat in a winepress out of fear. I don’t know a lot about ancient farming practices, but I do know that wheat threshing is messy business. It’s usually done on a hill because you shake the wheat stalks to separate the wheat from the chaff. When you do it on a hill, the wind can help by blowing away the lighter weight chaff.

A wine press is where you put the grapes you’ve harvested and crush them into wine. I doubt you would want to have wheat anywhere near the winepress. Wouldn’t you get little pieces of wheat and chaff in your wine the next time you used the winepress for it’s rightful purpose? That doesn’t sound very appetizing…

Anyway, he was dealing with his wheat there because he was afraid of the Midianites. Threshing his wheat out in the open on a hill would make him a likely target to get the wheat stolen. Some people knock him for that, but was he being a chicken or just being smart? I suppose there’s a fine line between the two sometimes. 

An Unusual Visitor and an Out of Place Greeting

While he’s threshing his wheat in the winepress, the angel of the LORD shows up! This might be a regular angel (is there such a thing?) or the pre-incarnate Christ. A few verses later (6:14), this individual is referred to as the LORD, so I would lean toward the second option. Regardless, most other times in the Bible that angels and especially God Himself arrive on the scene, the humans are totally freaked out and afraid. I don’t know exactly what angels look like - definitely not chubby babies with wings. Every other place I’ve read about them, people somehow KNOW they’re angels and they’re quite nervous! (My personal preference is the depiction of angels in one of the more recent TV Bible series where they look like a cross between a Jedi and a ninja. That’s how I imagine angels!)

This angel shows up and says, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior!” Gideon doesn’t fall on his face or tremble in fear.

He whines.

I don’t know if he didn’t recognize this angel as an angel or what, but he doesn’t respond the way you’d expect. He ignores the “mighty warrior” part, which we’ll talk about in a minute, and just whines about how if God is with them, why is all this bad stuff happening? He doubted God’s presence because of his circumstances.

Ouch. Sound familiar? I’ve certainly been there. 

The angel doesn’t smite him for whining, but rather tells him to go in the strength that he has and save the Israelites from their enemies. Take what you have and use it. God is sending you. I love that! Take what you’ve got - maybe a couple loaves and fish - and bring it to God. You obviously don’t have a lot of strength if you’re whining at God to His face, but take that and use it in God’s service. He goes with us. 

Then he whines some more! “But God, I suck. I’m a nobody. I can’t do that.” (My personal paraphrase.)

The angel continues to reassure him that they’ll do it together, but Gideon still doubts him and asks for a sign. God didn’t knock him for it - He gave him what he asked for. He prepared an offering and it was consumed by fire. That makes Gideon suddenly wake up and realize what was going on.

A Title Based on the Present or the Future?

Back to the initial greeting - the angel called Gideon a “mighty warrior”. Gideon was certainly not acting like a mighty warrior at that moment. He was scared and not doing anything about the Midianites other than hiding his wheat from them and complaining to an angel about the whole scenario. But God called Gideon a mighty warrior because that’s what he was to become. That title wasn’t based on Gideon’s accomplishments, his credentials or his abilities. A mighty warrior was what Gideon was going to become in God’s strength.

A Job That Challenged His Relationship with Dad

Next, God gave him a job. He was asked to tear down his father’s false idols (an Asherah pole and an altar to Baal), build a proper altar to God and to sacrifice his father’s bull on that altar. 

Wait, time out.

His father has two altars to false gods? That’s a no-no. That sort of idol worship is one of the reasons that God has allowed the Midianites to torment the Israelites to begin with. And he has to kill his father’s bull. The story teller in me makes me wonder what kind of relationship Gideon had with his father. I’m assuming he should have permission before killing his father’s 7 year old bull. I’m also guessing if his father had put up the altars to false gods that he wouldn’t be happy about his son tearing them down without talking to him first… Would that be like an adult son taking his father’s Metallica records and smashing them without talking to him first? There might be some interesting discussions afterwards! We aren’t told how old Gideon is, but I’ve always assumed he was an adult. He says he’s the least in his family, so he’s probably the youngest, working on the family farm. 

Gideon does what God told him to do, but he was “afraid of his family and the men of the town” (Judges 6:27) so he and his servants did it at night rather than during the day. The next morning, the men of the town were indeed quite angry and wanted to kill Gideon, but his father actually stood up for him. 

There’s much more to the story, but that’s for another day. What can we learn so far about insecurity? 

Insecurity comes from misplacing our fear.

Gideon was insecure and fearful of the Midianites, of his own family and of the people of the town. Initially, he didn’t fear God or the angel. He was more interested in whining about his circumstances than standing up for what was right. 

Once God got Gideon’s attention by burning up his offering on the rock (Judges 6:20-23), then he properly feared God. He obeyed God by tearing down the pagan altars, but still feared his family and the townspeople.

We are told to fear God above all else. Insecurity for us comes from fearing what others will think, whether it’s family members, friends, or society in general.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge…” (Proverbs 1:7)

“And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)

“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,” (Deuteronomy 10:12)

It doesn’t matter what others think of us - it only matters what God thinks of us.

Insecurity comes from misplacing our identity

God called Gideon a mighty warrior before he had done anything to warrant that title. We need to see ourselves as God sees us. Who are you in Christ? You are loved, valued, precious, and set apart. No matter what you have done in the past, if you have trusted Christ as your Savior, you are a new creation! (2 Corinthians 5:17) You aren’t perfect, but God is and He goes with you.

Insecurity comes from misplacing our focus

Gideon was focused on himself and his qualifications, or lack thereof, when looking at what God was asking him to do. We do the same thing. I’m not qualified. I’m not good enough. I’m not ready. It’s all about the “I”.

No, I’m not qualified, but God is.

I’m not good enough, but God is.

I’m not ready, but God is. And when God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)

If you struggle with insecurity, take a look at who you’re fearing, what you believe about your identity and where you are focusing your attention.

Relationships During the Pandemic

We all need a communal hug. For real. I don’t mean that in some weird, Facebook-attention-seeking way. As life has changed radically for us over the past several months, one of the fallouts has been relationships. And were suffering for it big time. 

I’m amazed at how quickly different things have become “normal”. Have you watched a movie or TV show recently and thought, “Wow, those people are so close together! Shouldn’t they be concerned?” “Look at that crowd of people who aren’t social distancing at all!” “I think I remember what it’s like to go to a store without wearing masks or watching for little circles on the floor to stand on…” 

In just a few months, we’ve trained ourselves to keep physical distance from others, use enough hand sanitizer to clean every port-o-potty in the state, and add “Do you have your face mask?” to the list of things we ask our kids before they walk out the door. 

I’m sure in the years to come there will be many studies about what the pandemic did to our society on multiple levels, but no one needs to explain the effect it’s had on our relationships with each other.

Quarantines forced us to stay home completely, separating us from everyone but the people we live with. Even after the initial quarantines were lifted, those who are more vulnerable have continued to isolate themselves from everyone in order to stay safe. 

Those who are more comfortable going out are still confronted with 6 foot social distancing rules, fewer people allowed to gather together, and required masks even when we do get together outside of our own homes. Masks make it difficult to talk and be heard and understood. We can also feel awkward wearing one, which inhibits our communication. Not to mention that the inability to see the bottom half of a person’s face can keep us from understanding their body language fully. Sometimes we just need to see the person’s smile!

Studies have shown that loneliness and isolation even have physical consequences, from poor sleep to high blood pressure. Our collective mental health has gone downhill as well. Suicides, drug and alcohol abuse and domestic violence have all risen during the pandemic.

The Bible further reinforces that we need each other. God said of Adam in the garden of Eden that “it’s not good for man to be alone”. (Genesis 2:18). The environment was perfect - there was no sin and everything was just as God had designed it to be. Except that Adam needed a companion - a need that neither a hippo or a parrot could meet.

In Hebrews 10:24-25, the author tells Christians to “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

We clearly need to be together in community with other humans. Bad things happen when we’re not. But here we are dealing with this virus and all the government and social rules that go along with it. What do we do?

One trend I’ve seen in my own life is that I avoid getting together in person to some degree, not necessarily just out of concern for the virus, but because it’s so dang inconvenient! If I’m not going to someone’s house, then we have to find a coffee shop or restaurant that’s actually open and allowing dine in, whoever I’m getting together with has to be comfortable doing that, and then we may have to wear a mask for all or part of the time… It’s just become so complicated! Half the time I’m already drained from having to go out and do the normal life things like grocery shopping and running errands with the added stress that those things include. Who wants to make time and energy to be social? Just stay home. It’s easier. 

But then we end up deeper in this hole of too little human connection. 

What’s the solution? Make the effort. Similar to my last post about needing to do the things we know are good and healthy whether we feel like them or not, relationships are one of those things. We desperately need real, in person human connection, regardless of how much effort it is. 

And guess what - social media doesn’t count. Even before Covid, our society had been making an alarming trend away from in person communication to things like texts and social media as the main means of relating to each other. The younger generation was already spending tons of time on their phones and prefered virtual communication to face to face communication, according to a Time magazine article from 2018. 

Well, we’ve now launched most of the rest of society into that same problem. 

Here’s the issue with social media and texting as our primary form of communication: 93% of our communication with other humans is non verbal. Has nothing to do with words. It’s our facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. When we’re only typing words, we’re only getting 7% of the interaction! And yet because it’s quick and easy and doesn’t require much effort, that’s what we rely on and then wonder why we feel so lonely and depressed. 

One way to think about communication is in levels. Social media and texting is the lowest level. A phone call is better because you can at least hear the person’s tone of voice. A video call is even better because you also see the person (their face at least). In person is the best, especially without masks, because you can see the whole person and get all that non verbal communication. 

Everyone is in a different place with the virus for a multitude of reasons. I get it. My pastor has described it as red, yellow and green people. Red people are very concerned about the virus, either because they are in an at risk group or they live with or care for someone who is. Yellows are concerned, but not as much and greens are the least concerned. 

If you or any of your friends are in the red category, you simply may have to stick to video calls if they’re not comfortable meeting in person. Or maybe they’d be comfortable meeting outside with or without masks and staying at least 6 feet apart. It can feel awkward, but it will make things much easier if we simply ask others what they’re comfortable with and then are sensitive and respectful of their decisions. 

Regardless of the situation, we need to try for the highest level of communication and connection that all parties are comfortable with. Don’t settle for social media and texts. It won’t work.

By the way, this relationship thing goes both ways. At least if it’s a healthy one! Not only is a coffee date a way to meet your own relational needs, but it’s a great way to reach out to others. We have hope in Christ and others need it! What a unique time to share our faith! 

But there’s problems with that, too.

You know how when you’re on an airplane and the stewardess gives you all the safety instructions that no one listens to? Well, one part of their lecture includes that if there’s a drop in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling and you are supposed to put your own mask on first before helping others put theirs on. As it relates to our lives right now, most of us are too busy fumbling with our own oxygen masks to even think about helping out anyone else. I don’t blame you! Most days that’s where I live, too. You want me to reach out to others? Maybe even share my faith with them? I can’t even get my own life figured out! I’m suffocating - I can’t help anyone else with their oxygen mask until I find my own. We would just suffocate together!

What do we do about that? Just look out for our own needs and not worry about anyone else? Nope. Wrong answer. Actually, helping others also helps us at the same time.

First, reaching out to others and sharing our faith is all about relationships. In a relationship, you don’t have to have everything figured out perfectly. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just need to be a fellow traveler who is also trying to figure this whole thing out. 

Second, as we tell others about how they can have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, we are reminding ourselves of what is true at the same time. By telling them, we’re also telling ourselves. When we remind others that there’s more to life than surviving virtual schooling and mask mandates, we’re reminding ourselves of that also. When we share our hope in Christ that even if we were to die of the virus or something else, we know that we will be in heaven, we’re reminding ourselves of that truth as well. 

So don’t tell the airline attendant, but you can put on your own oxygen mask while helping your neighbors put on theirs. 

If you’re wanting to learn more about how to share your faith, you can check out this blog post. Here are some practical ways to reach out to others. And if you’re concerned about answering other people’s questions, check out this post. 

For other ideas on how to survive this wacky time, check out my Pandemic Survival Guide: 10 Tips for Emotional and Spiritual Sanity.  (If you’ve previously signed up for my email list, this download will be included in my September newsletter coming out soon.)

Have your relationships suffered during the pandemic? How have you tried to remedy that?

Why Can’t I Focus???

I have one week before our school year starts. As a homeschooler, that means one week until I have much less freedom in my schedule to write, run errands when I want to and spend time with friends. Instead of enjoying the last bit of freedom, I feel frustrated, restless and unable to focus on anything, especially writing.

I sit down to write and instead of getting to work, I find every excuse I can to do something else, except there isn’t much else. The activities that I normally find joy and mental stimulation in have been canceled or altered beyond recognition.

So I check my email and Facebook.

Constantly.

What am I hoping to find there? There’s no life in my stupid phone. No joy. Certainly no peace. It’s an empty well, yet I keep returning to try and drink. 

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. The topics that myself and fellow writers of faith are offering don’t seem to be getting the traction that they should be. We’re offering great opportunities to grow and learn meaningful things and serve one another, but most people don’t seem interested. We all NEED to use this time of canceled activities to go deeper with God, to dig in to what’s really important, to reach out to those around us…

Yet we don’t. 

I’ve seen the same thing in my kids. My 9 year old was sitting on the couch yesterday in front of the TV with a movie playing and had his tablet on his lap. 

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Watching a movie and playing Minecraft.”

“At the same time????”

“Yup!”

“Um, no. One screen at a time! Either watch the movie or play Minecraft - not both!”

If I’m being fair, though, I tend to do the same thing. Two things at once without really focusing on either.

I feel like my brain is unhinged, shooting off in every direction, forgetting things all the time and so incredibly easily distracted that it’s hard to settle into anything. It leaves me feeling bored because it seems like there’s nothing productive to do. There is, but it takes much more effort to make my brain settle into doing it.

I think the underlying stress of the Covid uncertainty and the political and racial unrest puts us in constant “high alert” where we’re more focused on our own survival than anything else. It’s hard to be creative when we’re not settled into a predictable, safe routine.

I read an excellent article recently that addressed this very thing: https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2020/08/lazy-way-to-an-awesome-life/

(After reading that article, “doomscrolling” is my new favorite word.) 

The article suggests finding activities that bring us joy and then doing them, even if we don’t “feel” like it at the moment. Do what you know is healthy - spiritually, mentally and physically - even if you don’t want to. Our feelings will catch up if we do the right things.

Some things I’ve been trying to do in order to combat all this lack of focus and contentment  (albeit very imperfectly and in no particular order):

1. Limit time on Facebook and email. I’ve had to stop myself from picking up my phone every time I have the urge. I’ve considered limiting myself to checking email and Facebook only at certain times of day. 

2. Get outside. Nature tends to relax me and settle my brain down. Take a walk, work in the garden, sit on the deck. 

3. Color (or other creative activity). I have a Psalms coloring book for adults. Looking at and creating things that are colorful and pretty is relaxing. Trying to stay in the lines forces my brain to focus. I can also say the verses I’m coloring over and over to ingrain them in my brain and heart.

4. Use a timer. When writing especially, I find it helpful to set a timer, even for just 20 minutes at a time. I have to stay sitting in my chair typing for that amount of time. It helps me not to allow myself so many distractions.

5. Check in regularly with God. John Eldredge has created an app (seems counterproductive since it’s a phone thing, but it’s actually helpful) called “Pause”. https://www.pauseapp.com/ It’s a reminder to take a few minutes at different points of the day and just pause. Take a deep breath, listen for God’s voice, give your day to Him. Even if I don’t use the app, it’s good to pause, take a deep breath and talk to the Lord throughout the day. 

6. Journal your feelings. When I feel frustrated and restless, I've started journaling right then what's going on in my head. The act of getting it on paper helps me understand it more, regroup and redirect my focus to something healthy.

Have you been feeling the same way? What have you found that helps you stay focused and healthy?

The Reluctant Evangelist - What if I Can’t Answer Their Questions?

What if people ask questions I can’t answer? Won’t I look foolish or worse, make God look foolish?

There’s no such thing as an expert in God

Some of us are nervous about sharing our faith because we don’t feel like we’re “experts” and think that we need to be in order to explain the gospel effectively. Not true! First, there’s no such thing as an expert in God. There is always more to learn because God is infinite. There will always be questions we can’t answer and concepts we can’t explain.

If we get to point where we think we have God all figured out and placed nicely in a box, then we need to repent, because we don’t have the right God. God doesn’t fit into our boxes so we shouldn’t try and put Him in one. None of us will ever have it all figured out until we’re standing face to face with Him. Even then, it will probably take the rest of eternity to really understand Him.

It’s OK to Say ‘I don’t know…’

It’s also OK to say, “I don’t know, to be honest. That’s a great question. We can look into it together.” There might be others you can ask and then get back to the person you’re sharing with. Different people have researched different things. My husband, Joe, for example, has done LOTS of research into the topic of evolution and creation. If someone I’m sharing with has a question about that, I would ask Joe. Others might know a lot about the original Bible manuscripts or ancient Jewish culture. You’re not expected to know everything.

Second, this is all about relationships. If you brought in someone with a doctorate in theology to answer their questions, the person you’re talking to still wouldn’t necessarily believe. They don’t have a relationship with that person. They want to hear from you. You’re the one who cares about them.

The Big Secret…

Most questions aren’t actually questions and don’t require answers. They’re smokescreens. A smokescreen is something you put up so you can hide behind it and not be found. Many times (although certainly not always) questions and objections are not really things the person wants answered. They’re simply a way to not deal with the real issues.

So if the question or objection is only a way to hide from the real issue, then what’s the real issue?

That we’re sinful and don’t want to surrender our lives to God. We think we can do better than He can with our lives.

Romans 1:18-20 spells it out pretty clearly: “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.”

These verses continue to explain that people choose to worship the creation rather than the Creator and therefore exchanged the truth for a lie. As a result, their hearts were darkened and they continued down an ever worsening path of sin and disobedience.

God said that He has made Himself clear and evident to people. We can look at nature, at the complexity of our bodies, the vastness and order of space and the intricacies of a cell and see evidence of God. Consequently, we are all without excuse.

When someone says that the Bible has been changed or what about evolution or how do I know this is all true, deep down they know it’s true - they may just not want it to be true. Their objections are a way to justify their unbelief. I don’t need to believe this because the Bible is full of contradictions.

So how do you handle smokescreen questions or how do you find out whether a question is a sincere question or not?

You ask more questions.

Jesus was a pro at this (and everything else…). Many times, rather than answering people’s questions, He instead asked them another one! Following that principle, your conversation with someone could go something like this:

The Bible is full of contradictions.

Which contradictions are you referring to? We could look at them together if you’d like.

I don’t know, I’ve just heard that there are contradictions.

Have you read the Bible?

Frequently, the answer is no. Maybe they watched a TV show or heard someone say that the Bible has contradictions and it conveniently supported their desire to believe that the gospel isn’t true and they can live life the way they want to.

I probably sound harsh explaining it this way, but I don’t mean to be. We’re all guilty of this in one way or another, aren’t we? We WANT to believe something is true or something else is false, so we look for things that support what we want to believe. We’re willing to accept any shred of a story without researching it as long as it supports what we desperately want to be true. Very infrequently do we ever search for truth purely objectively, whether we’re talking about the Bible, or truth regarding our health, politics, or other people. We usually decide first what we want to be true and then look for supporting “evidence”.

The Covid pandemic is a great example. I really don’t like the idea of wearing a mask. They’re uncomfortable, I feel like I can’t breathe, I can’t be heard or understood when I talk and they make me very anxious. I desperately want it to be true that masks are unnecessary or even harmful because that would support my desired truth and reality.

So, I see a Facebook article about the dangers of masks and how they really don’t help and I cling to that, without checking the source of the article, investigating how the conclusions were formed or looking at articles from the other side of the argument. I find support for what I want to be true and cling to it, regardless of whether it’s accurate or not.

When it comes to issues of faith, this shouldn’t make us critical of people wanting to believe something and looking for things to back up their desired truth. It should help us to be compassionate. Coming clean that we’re sinful and accountable to God for how we live our lives is scary! It’s hard to humble ourselves and admit our need. As I’ve said, this is all in the context of a relationship, so we need to find ways to gently help the person we’re sharing with see that maybe they haven’t explored the issue as thoroughly as they could.

Beliefs are held for a variety of reasons, only one of which being that they were researched and explored and found to be true. We hold some beliefs because that’s what our parents or other people in positions of authority have told us and we never questioned it. We hold other beliefs simply because we like them and they make us feel comfortable, unique and valued. Sometimes we believe something because it’s a way of rebelling against our families, society, or someone who hurt us.

I think this is one reason why sometimes people are very defensive and touchy when asked about their beliefs. There’s a lot of emotional baggage attached to them. It’s helpful to understand the “why” of someone’s beliefs. There’s usually a story behind it.

I have one friend who is very distrustful of the medical community. If you met her and talked about that topic, you would think she’s just very opinionated and judgmental about it. But if you go deeper, you’ll find out that her grandmother died because of a mistake a nurse made. She’s also very much against mandatory vaccines because her son has a medical condition that she believes is a result of a vaccine.

There are very personal reasons and stories behind beliefs. It doesn’t even matter if those beliefs are based on facts - the person just has to perceive them as facts.

If the person you’re talking to isn’t willing or interested in looking for answers to their questions, then those questions really aren’t the problem. Express your willingness to explore that question with them if they’re ever interested, then keep building the relationship and try to find out what is really in their way.

Our family was at a fossil site several years ago and my husband, Joe, was talking to one of the volunteers working to uncover the fossils. When he brought up creation as opposed to evolution, the man was argumentative. Joe left the argument alone and just got to know the guy a bit. It turned out that he had grown up in a religious home where they had refused to answer his questions which made him very frustrated and caused him to turn away from Christianity. There was obviously more to the story than an argument about whether evolution is true.

Smokescreen questions don’t necessarily require answers - they require relationship.

Sometimes questions are legit

Sometimes the person you’re talking with has legitimate questions that you should answer. As I said earlier, you don’t have to have all the answers at the tip of your tongue. If you’re not sure, tell them you’ll look into it and get back to them. Your pastor would be a great resource for either answers or where to look for answers.

The most important thing you can do is not to have a “canned” answer for every question someone raises about Christianity, but rather to love them. Get to know them. Understand their story. Show them compassion and grace. People aren’t generally argued into the Kingdom of God - they’re loved in.

The Reluctant Evangelist - What Stops Us?

Evangelism. Sharing our faith. Testifying. It has so many different “churchy” names, but for many of us, it fills us with angst and stress. We know we should… We know we should want to… And we sincerely want others to come to know Christ, and yet we fear.

We’re reluctant.

We look for ways out, ways around it. Someone else will tell them. I don’t know what to say. I can’t answer all their questions. They’ll just think I’m weird. I don’t have the gift of evangelism.

Sound familiar? I’ve certainly made all those excuses and more. Maybe in spite of all those objections, you’re still feeling a nudge to tell others about how to have a personal relationship with God. If so, I hope to help you overcome those excuses and show you a way forward.

Personally, I feel like I should have this figured out. I became a Christian in middle school at a slumber party, but really didn’t grow much in my faith until I went to college and got involved with Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ back then). It’s an interdenominational missions organization that (among other things) reaches out to college students. I went to their weekly meetings and Bible studies and learned what it means to grown in my faith as a Christian.

I also learned how to share my faith with my fellow college students. We used surveys, booklets, information tables, and creative outreaches to get the word out that God loved them and had a wonderful plan for their lives.

I went on summer mission trips to San Francisco and the Middle East. After college, I went back to the Middle East for a year to share my faith with Muslim college students. Upon returning home, I joined staff full time with Cru, went to their new staff training for 6 weeks and worked on raising financial support to be a full time missionary with them. In the process, I met my now husband, left full time staff and started volunteering with Cru in the Milwaukee area. I’ve led Bible studies and outreaches at local campuses, mentored women, etc.

My roles have shifted as I’ve had kids, but I’ve been involved with Cru in one way or another for almost 30 years. Thirty years working with a missionary organization! You would think I’d be an expert at sharing my faith and have no problem with it…

Yeah, no.

I get nervous, feel awkward, wonder how to bring it up…Part of the problem is that talking about Jesus to college students is a bit different than talking to your neighbors. College students are exploring all the options in life and are figuring out what they believe apart from their parents. It’s more “normal” at that age to bring up spiritual things. I’ve found that I need to approach my neighbors and acquaintances quite differently. It’s a different process and there seem to be different unspoken rules.

The “Reluctant Evangelist” is me.

I haven’t led hundreds of people to Christ or shared my faith recently (or ever) in the middle of the grocery store check out line. I’m a fellow traveler who has learned a bunch of things that I don’t do a very good job of applying on a daily basis.

I do know that Jesus had made all the difference in my life. He has forgiven me, given me hope and a future and is transforming me into the person He originally designed me to be. I see people around me who are lost, hopeless, living far from the God who loves them passionately and wants them to know Him. I see God trying to get the world’s attention through viruses, civil unrest, quarantines and economic hardship. He’s shaking things up and it’s our job as believers to be His boots on the ground and tell others about Him.

What are some of the reasons we’re reluctant?

It’s taboo subject…

My friend and I walked into the smoky college cafeteria and looked for a young woman or two sitting alone. Scanning the crowd and trying not to breathe in too much second hand smoke, we noticed a young woman sitting with a friend at the back of the room. We walked over to them and smiled as they looked up.

“Hi! Do you speak English?” we asked.

“Yes! Come, sit!” the one girl said, motioning to the seats next to them.

We made small talk for a few minutes and explained that we were visiting their country and enjoyed meeting college students. We asked what they were studying and shared our own academic pursuits.

“So, are you Muslims?” we asked maybe five minutes into the conversation.

“Yes, of course,” they answered.

“Do you pray five times a day and go to the mosque and read the Koran?”

Our curious questions didn’t seem to bother them at all and they gladly explained their degree of faith and then asked us equally curious questions about our own beliefs.

Obviously, this event did not take place in our country! If I had asked an American about their religion within a few minutes of meeting them, they likely would have been offended and irritated that I had asked something so personal. In the Middle East, it’s very culturally acceptable to ask someone about their religion and how they practice it. Not so in the US!

This is one reason why sharing our faith in this culture we live in can be so difficult. We have to earn the right to have those conversations through developing relationships. Even then, it can be tricky.

Religion and politics - those are traditionally the two topics Americans are supposed to avoid (except on Facebook, apparently!). Do you ever find, though, that what is culturally acceptable to throw out there on Facebook is definitely not cool to just say to your neighbor in person? Think about the last political or religious post or otherwise controversial thing you saw someone put on Facebook. What would happen if that friend told someone that to their face in person? Depending on the individuals involved, it could end up in fist fight! Alas, true life is not lived out on Facebook (thankfully!).

We are called to actual, in person relationships with each other. And in person, bringing up religion or politics out of the blue is not culturally OK. We tend to hold those beliefs to be very personal and private. Criticizing someone’s religious beliefs (or political views) is like questioning their parenting choices. If you don’t have a really close, trusting relationship with the person, you just don’t go there. It all comes down to your relationship with the person.

People will think I’m weird…

Because religion and faith are such culturally taboo subjects, we tend to feel awkward and self-conscious about bringing it up. We worry that others will think us weird if we talk about our faith. We are going against the grain, after all.

I think this is partly fueled by preconceived ideas we have about what evangelism looks like. We might picture the Jehovah’s Witnesses coming knocking on our door or the man on a wooden crate shouting on the corner that we’re all going to hell if we don’t accept Jesus. We don’t want to be like that, so we don’t do it at all.

The truth is, it doesn’t have to be like that. It can be very natural and comfortable in the context of a relationship when God opens the doors. Also, keep in mind that Satan does not want you sharing your faith and will do his best to dissuade you by bringing up past ideas of evangelism or negative preconceived ideas about it.

What if they have questions I can’t answer?

Another reason that sharing our faith can be so difficult is that we worry that the other person will have questions that we won’t know the answers to. We don’t want to look foolish ourselves and we don’t want faith in Christ to look foolish, so we don’t bring any of it up.

We don’t realize that we don’t have to have all the answers. It’s OK to say that you don’t know, but that you’ll look into it and get back to them. Many times, questions are more of a smoke screen than a legitimate question. Even if it’s a true question, it’s OK if you don’t have the answer off the top of your head.

Next week we’ll talk in depth about answering questions about our faith.

Are you a reluctant evangelist? Why?

Is Evangelism Just for Missionaries?

Our world is coming undone.

We have Covid, race riots, and more uncertainty that most of us have ever experienced in our lives. Every day that goes by seems to bring more chaos and more unknowns. Mask mandates, violence over mask mandates, what will school look like, should I homeschool, virtual school, send the kids to school…

The rug has been pulled out from under us as a society. People are angry and they’re afraid.

God is sending an epic wake up call.

As Christians, we have hope. We know the end of the story. We serve the Living God who is the only one who actually knows what’s going on and isn’t surprised by any of this.

We can’t keep this to ourselves.

We have three options:

1. Freak out - We can be fearful and anxious out about all that’s going on around us instead of leaning in harder to God and discovering what His plan is for us during this time. We can give in to the fear and anxiety that the rest of the world feels. We can get angry and find someone to blame and a cause to take up: ”Wear masks!”, “Don’t wear masks!”, “Vaccinate everyone!”, “Vaccinate no one!”, “The government is a our savior!”, “The government is the enemy!” Need I go on?

Don’t get me wrong - it’s OK and perfectly normal to have some fear and anxiety over this whole thing. We need to honest about how we’re feeling. The issue is what do we do with it. Do we take it to God and embrace His peace, knowing that He’s in control, or do we try and deal with it ourselves which only leads to more fear and anxiety?

2. Turn inward - We can lean in closer to God and give Him our fear and anxiety and embrace His hope, but then stay in our safe Christian bubble.

3. Turn outward - We can embrace God’s peace and hope in the craziness, then go out of our comfort zones and offer that hope and peace to those who are scared and angry around us.

One word about taking up causes, especially on social media… I know some of us (all of us?) feel very strongly one way or another about these different issues. There is definitely a time and a place to make our voices heard about these important debates. I’m not suggesting that we allow our freedoms to be eroded away while we do nothing. Nor am I suggesting that we be callous and unconcerned about the vulnerable around us.

But may I suggest that Facebook and social media is not that place to champion those causes? What if we stayed out of the emotionally charged, divisive arguments on Facebook and instead filled our news feeds with hope and peace and love? What if our social media was a way to sow seeds for the sake of the gospel? To build relationships across the political divides? Relationships that could later bear fruit for the gospel? By getting involved with debates on social media, we’re ostracizing people that we could be sharing our faith with.

OK, I’m stepping off my soap box.

Back to sharing our faith…

“OK, I get it, this is an especially key time to share our faith, but I don’t have the spiritual gift of evangelism. Isn’t that mainly for missionaries and those who are gifted evangelists?”

This is one argument (excuse?) I’ve heard against sharing our faith. There are a few lists of spiritual gifts in the New Testament, although most people don’t believe these lists are exhaustive. The list in Romans 12 and the one in 1 Corinthians 12 do not include evangelism. It is mentioned in Ephesians 4:11, but that’s it.

On the other hand, there are numerous places in Scripture where we are all commanded to share our faith.

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20)

“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5:20)

“But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.” (2 Timothy 4:5)

“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15)

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be My witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:8)

We also see what Jesus did as He carried out His ministry and what all the disciples did in the book of Acts to continue where Jesus left off. They told people how to get right with God. They spread the good news of forgiveness in Christ. There may be some who are particularly gifted as evangelists, but we are all called to share our stories of what God has done in our lives and be “ministers of reconciliation”. (2 Corinthians 3:6)

If we love God and therefore obey His commands (1 John 2:3), then we can’t ignore the one that says we are His ambassadors, sent to tell others about Him. From what I can see, there may be some who have the spiritual gift of evangelism, but all believers all called to share His love with those around them.

Not sure what to share? Check out my earlier post on that topic.

Have you found ways to share your faith during the pandemic? If not, what holds you back?

Tune in next week when we’ll talk about other things that stop us from sharing our faith.

The Enneagram and Fig Leaves

Most people love personality tests. We enjoy taking the quizzes and trying to gain deeper understanding about who we are and how we tick. Some of them can be very flattering - finding all the things we’re good at, realizing that it’s OK to not want to be around people all the time, or understanding that we like to think a lot before we share our opinions.

But have you thought about how a personality test can enhance your walk with God? We’re all broken. Ever since Adam and Eve, we’ve been sinful and broken humans, but we’re not all broken in the same way. The more we understand our unique style of broken and what we tend to do to fix it, the more effective we can be in inviting God into that brokenness and experiencing His healing.

When Adam and Eve sinned, they became ashamed of their nakedness, made clothes for themselves and hid from God. We all follow the same basic response to our sin. We try and cover it ourselves with clothes of our own design and we hide from God.

One interesting thing about the fall in Genesis 3 is that Adam and Eve’s first clothes were made of fig leaves. (Genesis 3:7) After God rebuked them and told them the consequences of their sin, He made clothes out of skins for them. (Genesis 3:21) What was wrong with the fig leaves? God determined that they weren’t adequate clothing. Why not? I’m assuming “skins” refer to animal skins, which means the animal had to die. I believe God was setting up from the very beginning that sin requires a sacrifice in order to cover it.

Ultimately, Jesus is the only adequate covering. The fig leaves are like our efforts to clothe ourselves, but God says, “No, let Me clothe you.” If we have placed our faith in Jesus, our sin is paid for. We are clothed in Christ. In our experience, though, we still try to cover ourselves in different ways. We try to find meaning and purpose or fill our deepest longings with fig leaves.

There’s a unique personality test that can help us uncover where we have just fig leaves as opposed to Christ’s covering. It’s called the Enneagram. Although it’s very popular right now, it’s actually not new, but has been around in concept since ancient times. I enjoy taking personality tests and understanding myself better, so I took a free test online and ended up with a number and description that I didn’t think fit me very well. The types of questions it asked bothered me, also - questions about fear and negative motivations… I found it difficult to be honest because I kept thinking, “But I’m not supposed to be motivated by those things and I’m trying to NOT be motivated that way…” I took a couple different versions and kept coming up with different numbers every time I took it, which was very frustrating!

Then, I applied for a job where one question on the application asked for my Enneagram number. It included a test to take, so I took it again and came up with yet a different number. I didn’t feel like that answer fit me, either, so I responded “I don’t know” on the application. Later, I was frustrated with myself for not answering that question because I was afraid that it would look bad - like I didn’t want to take the time to take the test, which wasn’t true. The application also included a Strength Finders test, which I took and the results fit me perfectly. So I decided that the Enneagram just wasn’t for me.

Well, I couldn’t let it go. It kept coming up in conversations and as I waited to see if I’d get an interview from my application, I worried that my lack of a score would cost me my chance at the job. One morning, I decided to take the test again and try to be really honest. After all, we’re all motivated by different fears and things and maybe that’s what it was getting at. I did my best with brutal honesty and came up scoring a number 3 (which was different from the other results I had gotten at other times). Interesting.

Later that morning I was sitting in the orthodontist’s parking lot reading a book called, “The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery” by David Benner and low and behold, he brought up the Enneagram! I couldn’t believe it! The stupid test was popping up everywhere.

As I read Benner’s explanation of it, it finally made sense. The Enneagram is not your typical personality test.

“Unlike classifications of personality that are based on traits, the organizing principle of the Enneagram is deeper and less attractive. It zeros in on the fatal flaw, or basic sin, of each of nine personality types. No one should work with the Enneagram if what they seek is flattery.” (p. 63)

Ah. Now I get it. Unlike Strength Finders or Meyers Briggs, the Enneagram is basically an exposure of your deepest sin. No wonder I didn’t like the results! I find it sort of darkly funny that being a “3” (which I believe is my accurate number), I like to present myself in the best possible light and am sometimes willing to spin things so that’s the case. I kept getting different results because I was trying to spin the answers so I wouldn’t look so bad! Ouch.

Getting back to Adam and Eve, the Enneagram can help us figure out where we have tendencies to use fig leaves to make ourselves more acceptable to God, ourselves and others. Here’s a list of the Enneagram numbers and their core needs/wants:

Ones want to be perfect.

Twos want to be loved and needed.

Threes want to be successful.

Fours want to be special.

Fives want knowledge and fulfillment.

Sixes want security.

Sevens want to avoid pain.

Eights want power, to rely on themselves and to be against something.

Nines want emotional peace.

(Taken from Benner book mentioned above, p. 64-65)

None of those things are really bad, and all of us fall into multiple categories in one way or another. However, most of us will lean in one direction more than the others and it will impact our motives and actions. Those motivations become our fig leaves. A One, for example, may feel that if she can just be perfect, then she’ll be OK, rather than resting in God’s perfection. A Two strives for love and acceptance from others, rather than being content in God’s unconditional love and acceptance.

Many times our personal bent in these areas comes from our family of origin, which is a whole other discussion that I’m still exploring myself and will cover in a future blog post.

This is just scratching the surface, but I encourage you to try an Enneagram test and do some soul searching about what motivates you. My Spiritual Growth Journaling Guide may also help you as you try to understand yourself better.

Have you used the Enneagram? What have you discovered and how has it helped your walk with God?

What is the Meaning of Life?

Lessons from the wisdom (and not so wise decisions) of Solomon

When we think of Solomon, we think about the book of Proverbs, much of which he wrote. He also wrote Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon. He is known for his wisdom.

When he became king at a young age and had the huge job of succeeding his father David as king, he was understandably overwhelmed and asked God for wisdom. (1 Kings 3:7-9) God was pleased with his request and blessed him with wisdom as well as many other things.

His life fascinates me for many reasons, but here are some lessons we can learn from him:

1. Having wisdom doesn’t mean we use it to make wise decisions.

So Solomon was wise, right? And part of wisdom, if not a very large part of it, is following God’s commands. How can we say we are wise if we don’t do what God says, since He’s the author of wisdom?

Here are some commands that God gave for kings:

Deuteronomy 17:16-17 says, “The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself… He must not take many wives or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.”

Don’t get lots of horses, wives or gold. Got it.

In Deuteronomy 7:1-4 it says that the Israelites shouldn’t marry women from other nations because they will lead the Israelites astray. Sounds like good advice.

Here’s what Solomon did:

1 Kings 4:26: “Solomon had 40,000 horse stalls for chariot horses and 12,000 horses.”

1 Kings 11:1-9 says that Solomon married many foreign women and had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Just as God predicted, they led him away from God to worship false idols.

The descriptions of his wealth have been estimated at $2.2 trillion dollars in today’s money.

Oops.

Apparently you can have all the wisdom that God can give, but that doesn’t mean that you follow that wisdom! You have to actually do it in order for it to do you any good.

2. More stuff does not equal more happiness.

Solomon had everything and tried everything. Ecclesiastes chapter 2 goes through what he tried in order to make himself happy: big building projects, wealth and sex. “I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.” (Ecclesiastes 2:10)

Can you imagine? What would that look like today? For me, it would be a big house complete with live in house cleaner and gourmet chef, anything on my Amazon list, furniture, vehicles, luxury vacations, a personal helicopter and jet, and the list goes on. Solomon had everything he wanted! Let that sink in.

Then what was his conclusion? “Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 2:11)

Solomon lived the experiment that we’re all subconsciously trying to conduct. We think that more stuff will make us happy. More money, more success, more things, we always want more. Solomon got all of it and more than most of us could ever dream of, and yet he said it was pointless!

3. Choose your spouse very carefully because he or she can lead you astray.

God specifically told Solomon not to marry women from other nations because those other nations worshipped false gods and idols. But, Solomon did it anyway and it went just the way God said it would. Pretty soon he was setting up temples to false gods all over the place and worshipping them himself. (1 Kings 11:1-10)

How easy it is to get caught up “in love” with someone you know isn’t going to draw you closer to God. We can think that we’re strong enough in our faith to turn the other person toward Christ, but that frequently doesn’t happen. So be very careful who you marry!

4. The meaning of life is really quite simple.

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14)

After all that money, sex, horses and the like, Solomon came to the conclusion that it’s all really just about fearing God and keeping His commands. May we realize the same thing!

Taming the Anxiety Beast

I have struggled with anxiety for several years now. I probably struggled with it before that but simply didn’t label it as such. Sometimes it just seems to be the normal way of things. I’ll get anxious about serious things and stupid things. It manifests itself as daydreams of horrible things happening to myself or my loved ones, or a sudden panic that I’ve forgotten something or made some terrible mistake that will have awful ramifications. Other times it’s just the physical feeling of tightness in my belly and shoulders and a general feeling of unease and stress - over nothing in particular.

As I’ve fought this beast, I’ve learned some things that have really helped. It still comes and goes but generally has gotten better. I’m not a doctor (so I have to tell you, this is not medical advice), nor do I claim to have all the answers, but I’m happy to share some of the things that I’ve learned and that work for me, in the hopes that they might work for you, too. Anxiety is a HUGE topic that would take several books to address. I certainly won’t cover all there is to cover here!

Managing anxiety takes work

There is no easy solution or 3 simple steps to a anxiety free life. It will take work. I believe anxiety is frequently the result of years of inadvertently training your brain the wrong way. Sometimes our brains have been trained wrongly through our own decisions or decisions that were outside of our control. Regardless of the origin, it took time to create those wrong patterns and it will take time and effort to retrain your brain.

Anxiety is a spiritual, emotional, mental and physical issue

Our western culture tends to separate those areas of our lives into neat, distinct boxes. It doesn’t work that way. What we eat affects how we feel and think and how we feel affects our actions. What we believe about God affects how we feel and what we do and how we think and it’s all mixed together into one sloppy mess. You can’t address one aspect of life without dealing with the others. We are whole people, not segmented into neat little boxes. So when we address anxiety, we need to do so from all those angles.

Anxiety isn’t necessarily bad

It can be an alarm bell telling us that there’s something wrong in our lives. Similar to our pain receptors that get our attention that there’s an injury or illness, being anxious might be a sign that there’s a problem that needs to be solved. Don’t rush to get rid of the symptom until you understand more of what it’s telling you. It may be far more important that you deal with the underlying issue.

So what are some ways to tame the anxiety beast? I think this is the best place to start:

Become a student of yourself

When do you feel anxious? What do you feel anxious about? Is it about anything in particular? What have you been eating? What have you been watching on TV? Have you just spent hours and hours on social media and haven’t moved from the couch? Are you so busy that you can’t keep track of everything going on? What are you thinking about? Do conversations with certain people end up making you feel anxious? When was the last time you got by yourself with God, took a deep breath and surrendered yourself to Him?

Journal

One of the best tools I have found for understanding myself better is to journal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or formal - just a way to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. It’s an opportunity for the more logic, clear thinking side of me to talk to the irrational, emotional, anxious side and get down to the bottom of things. Ask yourself questions and then answer them. Even better - answer them with God’s Word. Make a list of what you’re anxious about. Many times I can feel really anxious about something but once I put it on paper and talk it through with myself, I walk away thinking, “Well, that was silly! Why was I upset about that?” We get so trapped in our heads, but journaling is a great way to get those thoughts out and process them. For more thoughts on this, download my free “Spiritual Growth Journaling” guide.

You can also use a journal to track when you feel most anxious. Is it a certain time of day? A certain day of the week? Before or after certain events or conversations with certain people? After eating something in particular? (Think caffeine, sugar, chocolate…) Ladies, is it worse during a particular time of the month?

If you’re artsy, you can try a creative type of tracking system. Go to pinterest and search for habit trackers or symptom trackers and you’ll find more ideas than you could ever use. Otherwise, just use a spiral notebook and start keeping track of when you feel most anxious and what the circumstances are surrounding it. You could use a simple 1-5 scale of how anxious you are by day or hour. The simple act of paying attention to yourself will get you a long way in figuring out what’s going on.

Always remember to ask God to give you insight because He understands you completely.

What makes you most anxious? What are your biggest questions about anxiety?

Walking While Waiting

I hate waiting. I mean really, who doesn’t? Waiting for the water to boil, for the Amazon package to come, waiting for the test results, waiting to see what the virus will do and how churches and schools will manage… It’s never fun. We want to know - now!

My teen son came to me the other day and said, “But I just want to know what’s going to happen…” Well, don’t we all? We actually never know in advance what’s going to happen, we only *think* we do. Now in the season of Covid, we realize experientially that we don’t know so many things about the future. It has simply helped us realize what has always been true. If we want to know the future, we have to wait until we get there.

I like planning. I find it fun and exciting. I think it also gives me a sense of control over the future. I don’t have control of so many things, of course, but it helps me think that I do. I also like to be prepared and have an idea what I plan to do.

Then came Covid.

When everything first shut down in March, I found it very stressful. Life looked different on a daily basis. New things were canceled and closed every day. Policies and guidelines were changing every hour, it seemed. After I while I got into a new groove and the down time was actually kind of nice.

Now things are opening back up and some of those same feelings of instability are coming back. What will the fall look like? We homeschool our kids, so we aren’t directly impacted by what the public schools decide to do, but our oldest son was hoping to take AP physics at the local high school - no idea if that will work. Also, I lead our local homeschool co op which meets in a church. Will the church let us meet? What Covid policies will we need to have in place? What happens if someone gets sick? The planner in me wants to get it all figured out, but there simply are no answers right now. We need to wait and let the church figure things out. Wait and see what the schools will do. Wait and see what the infection numbers do.

One thing I’ve found to be helpful during times of waiting is to find something else productive to do. Yes, there are things I can’t do because those answers aren’t available yet. But what CAN I do while I wait? Every day is an opportunity to love God and love others. I don’t need to wait to do that. I can either sit around stressing over what I can’t figure out right now, or I can immerse myself in serving God and those around me on a day to day basis. I’m trying to be more comfortable with “I don’t know - we’ll see what happens. Now what’s on the docket for today?”

Are you waiting? Rather than become stressed and frustrated, what can you immerse yourself in that would both take your mind off the “not knowing” part and be a useful, productive use of your time? I don’t think waiting has to mean standing still. It could just mean walking one step at a time without being able to see what the entire path looks like. God will illuminate more of it once you get there.